Making A Home
by Ranma15177
Summary: When a beautiful young woman decides to end the misery of her life, Carlisle picks up the pieces and helps her live again. Carlsile X Esme with young Edward in all his sardonic, sarcastic glory as well.
1. Falling into Fate

Making a Home

Ranma151773012

This is a complete departure from what I'm writing at present with Escaping Sol, but I've always been interested in Carlisle and Esme. So, I hope you'll enjoy this story!

There isn't really a beta for this one. I'll update with changes as soon as I'm able. I hope you enjoy this story.

I don't own Twilight, or Carlisle. He's bringing sexy back: )

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CPOV

I ran close to the cliffs at night. Mostly it was because no one would spot me if I ran quickly, but I enjoyed the salt spray in the air and the sounds of the water hitting the rocky shore. I always wondered what the ocean would be like as a human. I had not visited the vast teeming blue until I was already in my new existence and even then it was not to experience the ocean. I had been there on the errand of self destruction. Obviously, I failed.

The moon was already high in the sky as I ran back from my late night house call. I had insisted to the couple that my home wasn't far, and that I could walk, that I loved to walk. They had already been thankful enough for my visit to their small sick child that I was quickly allowed the lie. The little girl, Milly, was sick with a strain of streptococcal inflammation of the heart, and I only had a little hope for her recovery. She had been misdiagnosed early in the illness, and now she was at the very cusp of death. I felt horrible that she was suffering so, and that I could not relieve her from it. I doubted very highly that she would live too much longer.

I was brought out of my musings when I realized there was a shadow on the cliffs about a mile ahead of me and I slowed down to make myself less obvious. A dress fluttering in the wind from the surf, there was someone here with me…a woman. Her demeanor was one of someone who was in pain, and I wondered if there was anything that I could do. I heard gasping sobs and the repetition of a name. Then she clutched her shoulders as if she were holding herself together and in two quick steps she was throwing herself over the cliff face. If I had but known she were going to end her life I would have run faster, not slowed down.

I pushed myself to run faster. Edward, my new companion, was quick and agile in ways that I would never achieve. At first I had written it off to being a newborn, but after the year was up he was still quicker. He was also able to hear the thoughts of people around him. He would have been more useful in this situation than I. He could have heard her intensions and would have been more quick to help. The only way I was of more use was to heal her if she were to perhaps survive the fall. Looking at the distance I was filled with doubt for that outcome.

I descended the side of the cliff quickly and saw the jagged rocks at the bottom and her broken body. Legs sprawled out at awkward angles her blood leaking from wounds that were probably too horrible even for me to fix. As I came close to her a wave came up and nearly swept her body away and I grabbed her from the water and as gently as possible scaled the cliff face. I was afraid to jostle her at all; she seemed so fragile there in her last moments. Maybe it would have been more safe for me to let the waves take her? Certainly I would never be able to explain the retrieval of a human from such a precarious position. Edward would question my sanity. He often told me that my gift must be compassion, because I was constantly putting myself out to help others. Perhaps he was right, but this poor woman was beginning to cough up blood and I felt sorry for her.

Finally I was able to lay her on the grass above the cliffs. Her hair had tangled about her face and I moved it away so that I could read her last rites. My father had been a man of God. I wanted her to get every shot at heaven that she could, even if she had committed suicide. If I could believe in a heaven for me, I could certainly have hope for this poor misguided creature. I was not prepared for what, or should I say whom, I was faced with.

"Esme…" Her light chestnut hair was just as I had remembered it. The fall hadn't taken away her beauty…and I was staggered by her presence. "Esme, what have you done?" She was exactly as I remembered, only more womanly now than when I had met her. Columbus, Ohio. She had fallen out of a tree and broken her leg. I had set, and mended the bone for her, and she had always looked at me with a beautiful smile. I was not ignorant of my preternatural looks, but Esme had even at the time of her fall looked at me not with lust, but care. She had been sweet and made jokes about how she was a tomboy. When I asked her why she had fallen from the tree she had said that she was probably putting on weight and smiled shyly, enchantingly, at me.

I was only in town on my way to start practicing in Chicago, and so I had only a few short weeks with the girl that was even now dying before me. She was the one who had fallen out of the tree…but I had fallen in love. She was only sixteen though, and she had so much ahead of her, and was in no danger of death, so there was no question in my mind about my leaving her alone. I had been interested in a companion to my solitary life, but this young girl with the vibrant eyes and beautiful smile could never be it. When I told her I was going to be leaving she took my hand and smiled sweetly. "If you are ever here again come and see me. I know it's going to be a long time before I get better, but I would like to dance with you. See, don't tell anyone, but I think I'm in love with you." She immediately blushed crimson and gave me a small kiss on the cheek.

I had never felt so completely and utterly like a young man in spite of two hundred years. She was beautiful and kind and she didn't show the normal human propensity toward being wary of us. Looking at her now, her heart slowing down, and her blood leaking everywhere I felt horrified and sad beyond measure. "Oh, Esme. Why did you jump? What lead to this? I had been certain I was leaving you to a long full life. Esme, what happened?"

She shuddered slightly as I placed my suit coat over her body and her eyes opened just enough for me to see all the pain and confusion held in their depths. Her hand reached up for mine and I could see her straining against the effort. I didn't take it because I feared my strength might hurt her further while I was so emotional, what if I were to break her hand in my grief? Esme's voice was scratchy and destroyed as she said what I knew would be her last words. "I remember…Angel." Her hand fell limply to the side, and she fell into unconsciousness immediately. I listened as her heart continued to slow, ever bringing the end of her life closer.

My heart felt like it was tearing in two. I tried so hard to be clinical, to be professional, and uncaring. Esme was dying, and there was nothing to be done for it. She deserved human peace, but what if she didn't get it? What if my father was correct and those who committed this kind of act were damned? What if beautiful, smiling, lovely, Esme were going to burn for eternity, and if she were did that mean that it would be better for me to have her? Was I being selfish now that I had a chance to love her like I'd wished that I could? Had my success with turning Edward made me too bold? I had even learned from his turning and had a theory that using my knowledge of medicine I could make the transformation less painful.

Would she resent me for making her a monster like Edward did sometimes? He never said as much aloud, but there were times that I knew his mind as if I were the mind reader. "Esme…I'm so confused. Please, Lord, tell me what I should do!" I looked up at the heavens and there was no answer for me until I felt her small hand grip mine. Her skin was smooth and warm. Her strength was negligible, like a broken bird. My crushed Venus. She didn't move or speak, but I felt her connection to me. I felt her saying silently that I could have her…that she might still "be falling in love with me." Maybe this too was God's work? How could this possibly be happenstance? This girl that I had developed an attachment to so quickly and from so far away was dying in my arms here.

My decision was made. I descended to her throat and broke the skin there with no effort. Her body made a pathetic arch against the painful intrusion of the venom. Her blood felt glorious on my lips and despite how fulfilling it was I was careful. I knew there wasn't enough blood left in her body, and I found that I desperately didn't want to fail. I took up her arms and bit at the artery near her armpit and again on the other side and then I sat back and watched as she began to feel the pain of the venom instead of the pain of her fall. I felt a mix of emotions, both sad and elated, proud and incredibly disappointed in myself. Had I done this to Esme for myself or for her? Had I really just created another creature for my comfort? Edward was going to be absolutely furious.

I picked Esme up from the ground and began to run as fast as I could. The scenery streaked by as I held her broken body close in my arms. The young woman was already becoming restless, and I knew from experience that the screaming would start very soon. Fortunately I was only minutes from home, and as I came up the stairs Edward was there to meet me with a question waiting for me. "Carlisle, what in the name of God were you thinking?" He looked at me as a son would to a father, but sometimes our equality seemed to leak through. It was especially evident in the midst of moral debate.

"Esme jumped from the cliffs. I couldn't just let her die." I spoke passionately as I walked past Edward and into the house. He was closing the door just as her screams started. I clutched her to me as the anguished cries caused the room to slightly vibrate with sound. Edward, reading my thoughts, walked ahead of me again and opened the door to the basement. It wasn't plush, but it would have to do unless we wanted people asking about the constant wailing coming from Esme's lips.

Edward began to take out linens for a metal framed bed that we kept in the basement. It had been witness to my son's transformation, and now that the cot was made it would be Esme's first bed as well. I crouched next to the mattress and held her hand and we sat in relative silence. There were no sounds but of Esme's harsh screams and that of Edward's tapping fingers. 'What would you have done?' I spoke in my mind trying not to break the silence as I watched Esme and traced a hand over her face to move her hair from her mouth.

"I don't know. I…just think this is wrong. You know what I feel. We've discussed this at length. Do you think she'll be happy in this life? What drew her to jump and do you honestly think that's going to get better now that she's here with us? Carlisle…I…have to hunt. There's too much human blood in this house. It's driving me to distraction." Edward admitted, tromping up the stairs and out of the basement and I was left alone with the thrashing screaming Esme.


	2. Watching and Waiting

Making a Home

Watching and Waiting

Ranma151773012

I'm probably going to let this grow like a wild plant. I'm going to let it develop naturally. I hope it works out. I know you guys would tell me if it didn't right? Right? Okay! Whew!

I don't own Twilight. Or Carlisle, which I guess is fortunate since my husband would be all sorts of jealous!

Thanks for all the reviews and the favorites and the story alerts! Wow. I was hoping this would go over, especially since it's a secondary character story and those are a little less popular usually.

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CPOV

I sat with Esme almost unmoving well into the second day of her change. She would often cry out as the pain became too much. The process was not a clean one, but being a doctor it never seemed to bother me. I was in the business of making people well but the less glamorous truth of that was that I was also by trade a body fluids manager. There was nothing here that I hadn't seen, but at the same time I was slightly hesitant to stare. I had long since stripped the young woman free of her soiled and destroyed clothing. Her wounds had closed and her nakedness was pristine, and with each passing moment she became more pale and perfect. I was distracted slightly as I cleaned her beautiful body, her curves. She was a woman after all, and I had found myself in the tenable situation of being infatuated however briefly with her at one time, given her grace and early sophistication. I was not, however, going to force anything on myself or on her that was unrealistic. I was far too old to be acting like a child now.

Esme had been sixteen when I'd last seen her, and there was a good chance that she was not the same person. After everything was said and done she had just successfully killed herself. I had only halted the process in time. Would it be as Edward said though? Would Esme be angry with me, or hate me for saving her from death? She had, after all, jumped of her own free will. It also had something to do with the name she had spoken over and over again I was sure. There would be time enough to solve the riddle as soon as she was awake. For now though I had other things to deal with.

As I had reminded myself this was not a clean process, and I had just gotten up to get a bucket, a basin, some clean towels and washcloths, and new bedclothes when Esme began to scream again. "Shh…Esme, it's okay. You've been through a horrible ordeal. I wish I could say that everything was going to be alright, but the truth is that I've done something questionable to you. I didn't want you to die that way. It seemed so undignified for such a beautiful soul. No, it wasn't just that…I just didn't want you to die. It's selfish, and maybe Edward is right, maybe it was wrong of me to change you. However, there isn't anything we can do to reverse the process, so I'll just wait until you can speak again. You can reserve judgment against what I've done when you are capable of placing blame." I spoke to her thrashing form as I held her hands back from hurting herself. I didn't want this process to be any worse for her than it already was.

Although I hadn't moved very much I did find myself talking to Esme often. I wasn't sure if she could hear me, but I was willing to try. If I could explain everything to her before hand, if I could let her know that I was not a monster in the strictest sense of the word. I kept getting flashes of her smiling eyes and tender looks. She had been so sweet. Ah, I was doing it again. I would have to work very hard at keeping my composure. She would most likely forget our strange first meeting because that is what we did. Vampires were incapable of holding on to most of our human memories. There was no way that I was an important enough memory for her to hold, a doctor who treated her ten years ago.

It was turning out to be a long three days. On the evening of the second day Edward had not yet returned and I was honestly worried that I had driven him away with my decision. I told Esme all about our complex relationship…and one sided-ly discussed everything that we had conferred over recently. I explained things to her at length hoping to keep her mind away from the pain. "For example," I stated out loud, "Edward is so completely morally against what we are sometimes that I wonder if I have done the right thing in making him my companion. Not for the sake of myself but for him. On top of that, he is beginning to question the way we live. He is showing a small bit of independence, which is fine, but I had hoped that my unwavering dedication to my animal diet would agree with Edward on some level. I want him to be free to make that decision for himself obviously; he is his own man after all. Perhaps selfishly though I also desire him to embrace the side of himself that is still human." I stated my thoughts unguardedly and then added, "We are still men and women after all."

Esme seemed to calm slightly at the tone and timbre of my voice, so I continued my one sided debate aloud so that she could hear me speak. I began again, "Drawing a line in the sand and saying that this vampire is good because he drinks animal blood and that one is bad because he drinks from humans is complete ridiculousness of course. To be so collectivist is wrong on many levels and it creates a very us versus them standard which I want to avoid at all costs. Edward and I are still discussing the situation at length in light of his desire to experience what he is, and that includes human blood. His argument is that he is not bound to the standards I hold myself to because he can read a man's intent, and from that he could cull out iniquity and only drink from those humans that are evil. My argument to that of course is that it savored of a God complex that could skew his very nature beyond repair. Not to mention the human lives that would fall on his conscience." I could have sworn I had just seen Esme smile, but I was not certain and moments later she was thrashing once again. I got up to retrieve my supplies that I had neglected in order to clean up the mess left over by her conversion

Within hours Esme had calmed back down and was back to twitching and writhing against her own body. I had covered her with a sheet now that her humanity was in its last hours. She would no longer be ridding herself of fluids and so I could relax against my constant maintenance. Now I was simply waiting for her heart to stop and her eyes to open. It beat feebly in her chest, waiting long seconds between beats as it fought to live. This moment had been the hardest for me when I had made Edward because the true meaning of what I had done was hardest as his body clung to life. Once again I was drowning in my own questions about life, nature, morality, and companionship. My only thought was that this might be easier with Edward by my side.

So I was then surprised and relieved when I heard the door upstairs opening and closing and then the basement door itself opened. It was Edward returning at last. I voiced my concerns for him immediately from my place by Esme's side. "Thank goodness you've returned. I had been worried that I had offended you somehow. I know that we are living this life together. Some warning would have probably been nice. I would have allowed it had I been given the time I promise…"

Edward smiled shyly back and quietly interjected. "It is not my place to question your motives father. I gave it a lot of thought and you're correct. There is no way of knowing if she will be against this way of living until we are in the thick of it. If you felt compassion for another I am the last person who should find error with it. Also, I know that I can be difficult. If she decides to stay it might be nice to have a woman's perspective around here. I know what a long time confirmed bachelor you are, but I suppose it's time that we evened the score a bit."

Instantly I was weary. "Are you suggesting that I have done this to create a mate?"

Edward brought his eyebrow up and looked at Esme and I critically then spoke. "No Carlsile, I would never suggest such a thing, but would that be such a bad thing for you? I know that I fulfill an aspect of your life that you have been lacking. I am an excellent companion for your intellect. We spar well mentally. However you've no companion for your physical needs, and despite your startling good looks I'm still not attracted to men…and from your thoughts I know that you feel the same. She has a kind face and a lovely form. Perhaps you'll find a partner in Esme that you can be truly content with."

Was Edward going to leave? I felt the need to explain myself, "Edward, I still enjoy your presence. You have always been welcome to come and go as you please, but believe that I have never been so content as when you came to be with me. I hope that Esme can share with us in that. She is your sister. For now we will function without such thoughts as physical relationships. It will take time for her to assimilate, and it may be that she will want to experience the world or to leave us. You may be right in thinking that she would not want to stay with us after she realizes what I have done. I know that I worried about such after I created you..."

Edward interrupted my further introspection. "No father, I don't have the desire to wander away yet. I am not yet comfortable enough in what I am to wander alone. I will let you know if that day ever arrives." Edward assured me, and I understood that he was making a promise. One that said he respected me enough to care about my feelings. Was he feeling a loss from a lack of physical attentions? We never really discussed any female association from his past that he remembered.

Edward interrupted my thoughts. He tapped his head and smiled as he stated his opinion on my thoughts. "Once again I have you at a disadvantage. I have yet to find a woman that didn't bore me to the point of wanting to tear at my hair. The ones that I find physically attractive often end up being vapid. Now that I can see their thoughts it's a million times worse. Even the most innocent of them are disturbing in their dissection of me. I can honestly say that I feel content to be without companionship in that way. Who knows if that will ever be changed. For now though be assured that I am content in myself."

Edward was always very honest with me, and I appreciated the candid wording of his thoughts. I couldn't imagine what it must be like for him with so many other opinions and desires running through his head that weren't his own. At the same time his single minded resolve toward being alone was something I was sure would come up again as time went on. If he was content though there was nothing I could say against him. Who was I to make the judgment call on someone else's happiness after I had been the one to make them a monster in the first place? I had dabbled in physical relationships with other vampire women, but I had never so far grown attached. Our goals and lifestyles were always too different.

"So, her name is Esme, and you know her already?" Edward prompted.

"Yes. I met her in 1911 in Columbus, Ohio. She was sixteen then, and a lovely girl. I was a little infatuated I admit…on my way to Chicago at the time. I wonder what has happened in her life that has led to such heartache." I gently smoothed the hair back on her head and listened to her light groan.

Edward sat down on the end of the bed and leaned against the metal frame lightly. "I think I can answer that question for you. I went in to the hospital to make your excuses. You are currently ill with a cold by the way. I wanted to make sure one of your colleagues didn't get helpful or curious." I nodded my appreciation and Edward continued, "A few of the nurses were talking about an Esme Evenson who lost a small baby within the last few days from a lung infection. He was only a few days old. They kept saying what a pity it was, and how she was already so unfortunate being a war widow."

I looked over at Edward and gave him what I was sure would be a pained expression. "So she has been miserable." Edward shrugged his shoulders and watched and listened as Esme's heart started to stutter against its natural beat with an expression of sadness. I whispered over its faint failings, "Of course this situation is going to force us to move again."

Edward was torn from his thoughts by my comment and he concurred, "This part of Ashland is small town enough, and apparently she's been teaching. It won't take too long for someone to realize she's disappeared, and unlike me there must be someone left behind who might be on their way into town if they aren't already here." Edward mused aloud.

"There is always Denali." I said with a small smile.

"To deal with Tanya and her succubae sisters? I'm really not in the mood to put them off daily." Edward smiled back, and although I could tell he was serious, he was also laughing very quietly.

"Then I'll leave our destination up to you. Is there anywhere that you would like to go Edward?" I posed the question and he seemed to consider it.

"Let me think on that Carlisle. I'll get back to you within the day after I've weighed our options. We'll have to go somewhere there is a fair amount of green space, and very few neighbors. I'll try to find something appropriate." He almost seemed excited about the prospect of finding a new home for us, so much so that a smile broke across his face which was shunted and died the second the flutterings of Esme's heart took one last lethargic shudder and stopped. Seconds later her eyes blinked open.


	3. Waking Up

Making a Home

Waking Up

By: Ranma15177

I'll probably adjust this later, I'm feeling very ill. I'm going to proof-read when I'm feeling less like something that was hit by a truck. Please excuse me for not keeping my regular quality. If you see anything please let me know so I can fix it.

I don't own Twilight. Carlisle can own me though. : ) Thanks to everyone who saw this and reviewed!

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CPOV

Watching Esme blink almost owlishly as she laid there was a little endearing. I was absolutely startled when she spoke though, "Dr. Cullen?" Edward laughed genuinely and gave a small smile to Esme.

"She thinks she's in heaven now, and she's horribly sorry that you're dead too." Edward supplied.

"Esme…I'm sorry. Please let me explain…" I began, but she cut me off.

"If I'm not in heaven…have I gone to hell? It's what I thought had happened before when I was in pain, but the pain stopped. I thought I was being punished for killing myself. You were there the whole time talking to me though weren't you? I recognized your voice right away Dr. Cullen, if we're really in hell I find it hard to believe that it's in a basement. Or…that you would be here! Unless I'm having visions of you and that's my torture?" Esme looked around with confusion as she spoke quickly. "Or, did you…save me?"

"I think that would be up for debate." Edward said with a small bit of sarcasm.

"Edward…it's a little early for any disputes." I answered his sarcasm with a bit of my own.

"Debate? Why does my throat hurt? Why do I feel so…painfully thirsty?" I winced and looked to Edward.

"In a small offering of peace for my awful behavior I brought Esme something. It's busy destroying the carriage house right now." Edward winced slightly at the suggestion of an animal hurting his motorcar, which was one of his prized possessions. A prototype for the Bugatti Type 30 touring car that we had shipped all the way from France, he must have felt badly about his outburst indeed to put it in any danger. He wiped that car down with a nappy for goodness sakes, as if we needed cars.

"Esme, what I'm about to tell you is hard to understand. Let me be frank, and please don't interrupt so that I can get to everything succinctly." I waited for her to nod and I continued. "I have lived for many years and alone at that. Even when we met ten years ago I was still at that time unaccompanied. Until I changed Edward and made myself a companion, I wrestled even then with the morality of what I had done. I find myself in the same predicament now with you. Esme, I, and now you, are a vampire. You are stuck just as you are…forever. We are immortal."

A small laugh bubbled over her lips. "Honestly Dr. Cullen…"

"Carlisle please." I interjected quickly.

She seemed to look pleased with this loss of formality and Edward laughed again at what she must have been thinking.

"Carlisle then, you can't possibly expect me to believe I've been made into a monster by someone as nice as you!" She seemed to find the concept laughable, and I was dumbstruck by her obviously distinct memory of me. "I heard some of the things you were telling me when I was hurting. I thought it was a story…" She looked hard at her surroundings. "You're Edward?" My son nodded his head.

"At your service Esme." He took her hand and kissed it lightly. I smiled and realized that Edward was going out of his way to be kind. That he was concerned that she was going to snap. At the thought Edward looked at me with a very droll look, as if to say 'wouldn't you?'

"Well, at least you're raising him to be a gentleman, even if he is a vampire." I wasn't getting through.

"Esme, please, I want you to listen and believe me. There is no way you could have survived that fall. Don't you remember how far you fell? Do you remember the pain of it? The rocks breaking your legs…your arms…your body?" She seemed to still at that, as though my words were starting to make sense and it was all falling into some kind of place in her mind. "Heaven and Hell are destinations that you've yet to reach; you're still here on earth."

"I doubt very highly that you'll ever make it to heaven now though…it's probably best to stay here in this endless torpor." Edward intruded on my words and I sighed before continuing.

"I couldn't let you die. I know it seems selfish, but I bit you. You see, I remember you as well, and I couldn't stand the idea of you dying like that, so alone…" My words were finally making sense to her, and I could tell from the horror that was spreading across her face.

"Can I have some water? I feel like I'm dying of thirst." Esme shook as she spoke, and I could see her beginning to "cry" although there were no tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Esme…That won't help. The dehydration you are feeling is part of our curse. You could drink for days and nothing would slake your thirst. Believe me, when I was first turned I literally sat in a river with my mouth open and it did nothing. The only thing it will do is give you an indigestible cavity full of water. Your only respite from the hunger now is blood."

Her body was shaking with fear now, and I felt awful. "Blood?" The concept seemed to horrify her, well that it should. "I'm not going to hurt anyone! I refuse!"

Edward took Esme's hands and gave her a very solemn look. "You don't have to. Did Carlisle mention to you that we kill people? Does he remind you of the kind of man who would hurt anyone?" Edward cracked a small grin at her hesitance. "Carlisle is a Doctor Esme, it would be a bit counterproductive of him to heal someone just to kill them."

I saw him look up at me and I nodded my head. I wanted him to continue. I was only scaring her at this moment it seemed. "Why can't I cry?" She was shuddering against sobs deep in her chest.

"That too is part of our curse…" Edward continued. "Tears…are for humans Esme. You aren't human anymore. Don't be afraid…we won't hurt you any further."

"Carlisle?" Esme looked at me with a look of worry and I looked back with deep sadness on my face.

"I will never hurt you beyond what I have already done Esme. You need to hunt. We drink the blood of animals, that's why our eyes are gold. The essence of human life is a deep red…the life force of animals is less fulfilling and turns our eyes golden. Your body still clings to its humanity, and so your eyes will be red for some time, but eventually if you decide to stay with us they will be gold as well." I explained as her sobs continued and she clutched to Edward.

"So I'll never see my baby again?" Esme asked in a small voice that left me feeling like the worst kind of villain.

"Is that why you killed yourself Esme?" Edward placed comforting arms around Esme and I felt a small twinge of jealousy that I quashed immediately. We needed to be close to her, we were together after all. "Did you lose your husband and your child and decide to end your life?"

"Yes…that's what happened…" Esme looked a bit upset beyond her words and Edward's face looked pensive before he continued to embrace his new sister and looked up at me with confusion before he lightly shook his head. No?

"I'm sorry for your loss." I spoke quietly. "Is the hunger getting worse?"

"It's very painful." The woman spoke with a very quiet almost scared voice. She seemed to almost shut down after answering Edward's question and I wondered what might be the truth. I wondered why she had lied, and what aspect was a lie? "I think I'm ready…I mean…I'll never be ready, but I can't stand it anymore."

Edward led us up the stairs and Esme seemed to take in every aspect of our home. My books, medical journals, and papers spread out over my desk and the sofa. Edward's brand new gramophone and discs scattered about the floor and I heard a small tisk as if she were admonishing us for our bad housekeeping. I took Esme's hand as we went through the unused and dusty kitchen, which she also seemed to notice, and toward the back door. I wanted to stay as close as possible to make sure she didn't run off in her blood hazed confusion.

"Yes, we occasionally clean the house." Edward must have broken in on Esme's thoughts without noticing because she immediately gasped and halted. "Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't say that out loud. I apologize."

"I would never say something like that out loud…did I speak?" Esme looked at me and I gave her an indulgent smile.

"Edward is capable of reading thoughts." I smiled at my telepathic son with a look of pride. It was a very interesting talent, one that I couldn't even begin to speak the praises of, because now it was easier for us to protect ourselves against someone finding us out. He didn't always like it, and I could see its drawbacks, but at the same time it was still unbelievably useful.

"Oh…" She seemed upset now that I had said that, and I assumed that she now knew that Edward discerned her lie.

"Don't worry Esme, I try not to abuse it. I know better than to share things that aren't mine to share." He looked pointedly at her and she seemed to relax slightly. "Should I release the creature then Carlisle?" I nodded my head and watched as Esme's breath came faster, her throat reflexively swallowing the venom there in preparation of her first kill.

I wondered if I would have to convince her to feed and then suddenly I was holding her back against myself as she hissed and struggled. The fear was pungent in the air, and I could smell the doe from where I stood as well. When Edward brought open the bar from the door I felt Esme crouch low against my thigh and growl and when the animal sprung from the open carriage house. I let her go. She was at its throat immediately drinking desperately to quench the hunger that I knew had possessed her body and soul. For a moment I realized the beautiful grace and at the same time the monstrous delight that Esme had used in killing the beast.

When she was done she looked up at me with blood smeared across her lips and eyes full of recognition and threw the creature away from her. "What have I done?" She stood on shaky legs as Edward approached and she backed away from us both. "What is this?" She continued to struggle with the concept as she looked horrified back at the deer. "What am I?" I took a step toward the woman before me and she took another step backward further yet again from us both.

Edward immediately leapt on top of Esme and knocked her to the ground as I ran over and watched them struggle. "You cannot leave this house Esme!" My son snarled at the young woman and she immediately stopped her movements almost as if she were deeply afraid of him. He immediately stopped and became gentle. "You will kill someone if you leave without us. The draw is too strong. Sometimes even I have trouble and I am not new to this life. Please believe me, if you were to leave now it would be disastrous for us all, Carlisle most of all because he cares for you."

Esme stopped struggling almost instantly afterward and looked up at me. "Is that true?" She looked at me with confusion and hope on her face. "You aren't going to leave me? I'm not going to have to be like this alone?"

I shook my head and whispered, "Never. Not unless you leave me, I'll never leave your side Esme, you or Edward. You are my family now, and although I'm sure you'll have your hands full with two men in the house I promise if you decide to stay I'll take care of you to the best of my ability. I will always respect your autonomy though, and if there ever comes a day when you wish to leave, I will understand."

"I will as well Esme, about both. We aren't your jailors, I promise you that." Edward was letting go and slowly getting up off of the woman as I helped her to stand. "I'm sorry I frightened you, but I couldn't let you hurt anyone. You said you didn't want to, and I was just helping you keep your word." I hoped Esme could see how truly repentant Edward was at the moment. We had both seen her fear at Edward's physical display of power and his harsh words.

Immediately the woman shook her head and smiled at Edward. "It's an old fear…something…I can't remember as well as I think I should." The answer Esme gave led me to tell her about our memory loss. She didn't seem overly upset about it.

"I'll have all the time in the world to make up new memories if everything you say is true. The rest…I don't believe I will ever feel good about." Esme looked down at her wringing fingers and then just as quickly looked up at me and held out one of her hands. "There's nowhere else for me to be, that should be obvious by my activities. I have a lot to learn I'm guessing…as a doctor you probably have a lot to teach." I took her hand and led her back toward the house.

We were both startled by a sound behind us though when Edward cursed aloud, "Shit! There's a scratch above the wheel well!"

"Edward!" Esme rebuffed him.

I was extremely surprised when Edward answered back in a penitent tone, "Sorry Esme."


	4. Trouble in Paradise

Making A Home

Trouble in Paradise

By Ranma15177

I'm so sick I'd like to DIE! Everything hurts. I'm feeling Edward's pain. Influenza has me in its awful grip. I'm going to burry myself in eight blankets and hope I live through the day.

Twilight isn't mine, but I could use the skills of their resident doctor at the moment.

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CPOV

Within the course of two weeks we had been on the road to our next destination. Our things had been quickly packed and shipped to a dock on Lake Michigan where it awaited us. I had taken my leave of the hospital, and unfortunately attended the funeral of Milly. She had held on for four days past what I had expected, but the end had been the same. Parents should never have to outlive their children…Milly's were devastated. I could only imagine the horrible pain I would experience if I were to lose Edward, and now Esme. Although, to be honest I was beginning to wonder if my attachment to her was not trying to reassert itself as attraction and I fought against my interest daily.

I was not at all surprised when Edward and Esme became fast friends…or maybe it was more than that. She doted on him, and it made me happy to an extent that they had so much in common. Edward picked a location quickly and with Esme's current situation in mind. We were in Paradise, Michigan before anyone could hardly believe it. The town was smaller than anywhere we'd been yet. I thought that my son was being overly protective, but at the same time I understood how he felt. As soon as the location was established I had called ahead to procure work as a secondary physician and because the area was so incredibly isolated it seemed that it would give way to lots of use of Edward's motorcar. I quickly established as we drove through the endless forests that I would need to get one of my own, because the Bugatti was far too flashy for my tastes.

I was happy to hear that Edward insisted that his reasoning for being here was the remote location and the extensive yachting season, which he intended to take up in the overcast days. I was overjoyed though when Esme asked to help decide upon the house saying that she'd always loved taking care of her home and how it had been in a very questionable state when she'd moved in. She said that she had a clear memory of painting her little cottage in Ashland, and that the memory was a very happy one. Who was I to question something when Esme seemed to go out of her way to ask so very little from both of us? She hadn't said anything direct about the horrors of her new lifestyle since the first day, but I had caught sight of her tearlessly crying more than once. She would instantly settle herself and pretend as if it had never happened. I knew the truth though and it hurt me deeply to see her in pain; I reminded myself that the transition was a slow scary one, and that rational gave me little comfort.

When we arrived in Paradise we had yet to actually settle upon a home and although we visited many none of them seemed to be "right" according to Esme. It was the early part of the evening three days after we'd arrived that we walked onto the Reed Estate. She looked at me with excitement and said that this was the one. The state of the house was…well…ghastly. The roof was practically ready to fall in; the entire place was in a state of chaos. Frankly I had never tried to move into such a medieval wreck since…well, living in the woods almost had more prestige. Edward and I looked at the building with matching expressions of trepidation. Esme was endlessly pleased. I decided that the smile on her face was well worth its weight in gold and Edward mumbled something about living in his car.

Esme had all but danced toward the house and placed a hand delicately on the wooden banister leading its way toward the wrap around porch that was missing endless spindles. She had recently been trying with great effort to curb her newborn strength against accidents that ended in collateral damage. It was a work in progress. "Oh, the both of you need to cheer up. Just because we have the means for something more expensive and move in ready doesn't mean that we should use it. This is much better! All it needs is a little spit and polish!" The moment she stopped speaking the screen door fell off its hinge and onto the porch. "That's going to need fixing…"

I immediately burst out laughing and Edward wasn't far behind. "Esme, if it makes you happy it's yours. Edward will secure the paperwork here and I'll be at the broker. If you would like to start your work, by all means begin." I walked toward the car and looked over my shoulder. "Edward, if you and Esme would like to go out and hunt together, I can attend to myself later." We always left together to feed. Mostly it was because Esme could still accidentally come upon someone and lose control. Due to her newborn strength one of us may not be enough to fight her back. I was confident however that the Reed Estate was well far enough away that we were safe from such a confrontation.

"I'll wait until you return. I want to get started as soon as possible…as long as I can find the proper tools, maybe in the shed?" Esme spoke with excitement. I watched as she bolted toward the small building that must have actually been the shed because I immediately heard the sound of rustling wood and metal.

I couldn't help the ridiculous grin that took over my features as I listened to her making lists of things she would need, the tools that she already seemed to have. I was hesitant to leave her side because I worried that she would overtax her needs in her excitement. Edward intruded on my thoughts and gave answer to them, "I'll take care of her. Don't worry. If I can tell she's getting too hungry I'll make her go."

"Thank you Edward, I worry. I'll see you both later." I spoke as I turned toward the car and just as I reached it I heard Esme drop what had to have been a hammer and run out of the shed.

"Carlisle, wait!" I thought perhaps that she would have already garnered a list of equipment. Esme was seemingly a very thorough person though and I was surprised that she would have come up with an inventory so quickly. She took me completely by surprise when she all but crashed into me and then enveloped me in a very close hug. "I understand your hesitation. Thank you…this means more than I can possibly say." Her words were very quietly whispered even though we both knew Edward could hear anything she might say in her head. They were words that she had meant for me, and I was momentarily struck motionless. It was over all too quickly, but I had not been shown affection on such a level in a long time, so any kind of physical appreciation was startling. Esme backed away quickly but kept her eyes trained on me as she headed back toward the shed only losing my eyes when she walked around the corner and inside.

I got into the car in a daze and heard Edward laugh as I slowly started the vehicle. Women were much different than men in the way they showed appreciation. I would have to get used to that so as not to project anything onto her enthusiasm. However, as I drove along the road I found myself thinking about how nice it had been to hold her, and having a moment to think on it, I had noticed that I felt less anxious lately. Even in the middle of one of our forced moves, even with a new vampire in the house (which had been wholly difficult with Edward), even when I was terminating my tenure at the hospital, there was very little in the way of frustration. I had always felt dissatisfaction when I was forced to move from a location that I was comfortable in…but despite enjoying my time in Ashland, I found myself looking forward to living in Paradise. Maybe it was the name?

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Hours later I found myself back on the drive that lead to the new house. The broker had been likewise astonished by my choice but I assured him that my wife's design skills and her brother's carpentry were up to the challenge. The duplicity felt strangely comfortable. We had not discussed what relation we would have to each other, but these had been the affiliations that had popped on impulse into my head. I was hopeful that it wouldn't cause upset, mostly due to my presumptuousness. I would no doubt make Esme uncomfortable with such assumptions on her person as she was a widow. Who knew if she was ready to even pretend such a thing on the outside? However, it was imperative that she spend the first year away from the human population anyway. Fortunately I could easily say that she was simply infirm and most people wouldn't pry.

Infirmity…the thought had just occurred to me that Edward was extremely close in age to Esme chronologically speaking. They had many similar interests, and she did seem to enjoy his presence. It had not initially dawned on me that Esme might be a good match for Edward, but as he had recently pointed out to me, she was a lovely woman. If my son could even make such an observation it spoke volumes about her character. If he were perhaps falling in love with her I would bow out gracefully. I didn't wish to cause Edward any undue harm, as I had already hurt him simply by making him what he was.

When I pulled the car up to the house I noticed right away that Esme had indeed put the screen door back on. Neither of them was visible from the road but I heard music and laughter from inside and I quickly went to join my family. What a strange, yet wonderful concept that was! I had thought that I wouldn't mind companionship, I was certain that my life was so much fuller now that I was sharing it with others. A true family, sharing in each other's hopes, dreams, and goals. Not like the covens I had met in Europe that used their families as hunting parties and were completely divided in every other way. Adding Esme was surely going to be even more uplifting, especially if she could reach Edward. Why did the idea of her connecting so deeply with my son leave me to feel so empty? A ridiculous notion! I would be happy no matter what happened, and I would continue to say that until I believed it.

The house that had been questionable and frankly spooky when we'd arrived now looked inviting with the candles burning against the natural blown glass. Shadows danced in the glow twisting the light and darkness around its imperfections. It had probably been a grand old thing at one time, and I was confident in Esme's ability to help it back to its former glory. I had seen the home she'd lived in, in Ashland, and I thought it was very much like the girl that I had known. Charming and well cared for…loved from the inside out. Either way, Paradise was turning out to be an excellent choice. Esme was right all along…the house only needed someone living in it to stop its decay. It wasn't hopeless and derelict at all.

I opened the old door and as I walked through the entry the music became even louder and I saw Edward teaching Esme to dance. The two of them would break into comfortable laughter as Edward led her through the complicated movements. She was so beautiful spinning out and back into Edward's waiting arms. I felt it again, the strange sadness that accompanied their closeness. I was pleased for the first time that Edward's gift did not include the relation of feelings as well as thoughts as I watched. I kept my mind as guarded as possible, and he seemed oblivious in light of his activities. The recording came to an end and the two of them seemed to hear my presence with the music silenced because they both turned to me at the same time and they actually burst into even more laughter as if they were embarrassed about being caught.

I realized then, watching them laugh so unrestrained, that even had I entertained feelings for the woman in front of me, I had been alone for far too long to make such a luminous creature happy. Esme was a bright light even with the horrible ordeal of the last weeks still fresh in her mind. Even as a vampire she was incandescent, unfortunately I was much too far from her shining dancing glow to be able to receive her warmth. I could watch it shiver and move endlessly from outside my window, but the light was not meant for me, and it hurt. Edward deserved something better than my intellect, something more complete and, dare I imagine it physical, than a father's love. I would stand by and watch every agonizing second without protest. "I've returned." I said quietly.

"Now," Edward stepped lightly to my side and clapped me on the shoulder as he chuckled distractedly. "This man is an absolute master of the waltz. I've always wished I could have half of his natural charm and grace. A lady of your refined tastes shouldn't be left with second best, I suggest a new partner. I'll get the music going…and please Carlisle, nothing fancy. She's still learning." The last was said as a comic whisper that Esme immediately laughed prettily at.

I had never felt so much like an intruder in a personal moment. The unfamiliar ache in my centuries non-existent heart causing my usually calm exterior to crumble slightly. Straight away I began to make my excuses so I could martial myself alone. "Really, I should be working on case files. There are a few things that still need to be sorted from Ashland…and I would hate to let them down." Edward instantly gave me an extremely annoyed look.

"Carlisle. You literally have FOREVER to do the paperwork." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Unfortunately the rest of the world isn't so lucky Edward and there were a few long term cases that I was on that need to be properly settled." I answered his eye rolling with stern indifference. Esme had stopped laughing and was watching us like a spectator at a clay field tennis volley.

"Five minutes away from the paperwork isn't going to end the world as we know it. There was hardly a grain of sand that shivered when I died, so trust me…no one will notice if the case file on Mr. Aberdeen's long term gout go missing." The argument was getting more heated and I wasn't exactly sure why I was being so decidedly contrary. My emotions seemed to be propelling me forward into dangerous territory.

"I simply haven't the time." I argued in a monotone.

"Make it." Edward almost threatened.

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I had never wished so hard in my life that I could gather up my words and make them go away. "Unlike you Edward I have my responsibilities! Esme's constant need for supervision has taken up the time that I would have rationally used for extracurricular activities. The search for our home has taken up the rest. Life is full of iniquity that I've never had occasion for. If you have extra time on your hands you may use it at your leisure." What had I done?

"Damn you! Damn you and your responsibilities!" Edward shouted back into my face. It didn't take a mind reader to know what was in his thoughts. The pain, the anger, the rage, they were written across his face like signposts. I had never said anything so hurtful to him. It was my fault that he had not died with his parents…my fault that he was not able to be constantly in the company of others due to his bloodthirsty nature. I was the reason he could only ever be able to dally in diversions instead of having a wife and children and a real life. How dare I say something so horrible, so intentionally painful? The old hand blown glass in the door literally shattered with the force of its slamming and I heard a horrible heart wrenching roar and a terrible crack that could have only been Edward's fist destroying a tree.

Esme shook like a leaf in the wind. My frustration with myself was boiling over so quickly that I too felt like destroying something. The bud vase covered in years of dust from a small neglected table was against the opposite wall so fast that a human would never have seen me throw it. Esme shrieked and stared at the broken pieces. I had obviously frightened her, first with my awful childish attitude and then with my destruction of the vase. It had been actually quite pretty, small, and delicate. Now it was nothing more than a pile of shattered crystal.

I had to find Edward immediately. Who knew what my awfulness just then would lead to, but I had also frightened Esme, and I absolutely couldn't let her run off. It was far too dangerous.

Esme was on her knees next to the broken shards and moving to pick them up when I realized that I would have to deal with Esme first due to the risk everyone would face at losing her. She spoke with shaky words that reminded me how awful I'd been acting "I…I didn't mean to be such a burden. I was trying so hard to be quiet and proper. Charles was always saying that I talked too much…that I should learn my place. I'm no good at it. You've seen how…pushy…I can be. Making you look through all of those houses when you had work to do? That's the awful kind of person that I am…I'm so sorry Dr. Cullen." I heard the hitch in her voice as I walked ever closer but my heart lurched when she returned to my formal moniker. I would need to be gentle. I was the one at fault now…why was she taking this on herself? I was clearly the one in the wrong.

"Esme, I…" My hand had gone out toward her shoulder and she screamed and hid her face from me as if she expected me to hit her. I was horrified that I could scare her so completely. So this is what she truly thought of me? I had made her a monster, destroyed her chance at solitude, and now she believed me capable of physically abusing her? What kind of coward had I portrayed myself as? How could I ever look her in the eye again? How had I ever even considered that she could find love in her heart for one such as I? A selfish creature playing God at my whim! I had never felt so much a monster since the day I had realized what I had become. In my fear, my desolation, my confusion, and my horror…I ran. In my fogged brain I only just made out the fear filled whimpers from Esme as I streaked into the darkness.


	5. The Road to Recovery

Making a Home

The Road to Recovery

By Ranma15177

I promise and swear that I'm still working on "E.S." I'm waiting for Eric and I to get free time together for the beta for the story. I will release it after that's done. I'm not having anyone proof read this story, so I'm just releasing it as I finish up. Risky, I know! I'm relying on you to single out any issues I might have!

Don't own Twilight. Still waiting on Carlisle to show up with some meds, however now they are for my grandfather and my sons.

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CPOV

I was singularly ashamed of myself, but in all things I was practical. I could not run from my family. How far does one have to run to get away from their own heart? I had to get over myself. This was the only outburst I could ever be allowed if we were to maintain any sort of structure. I would have to act my age. If I was to truly be a father I had to act like one, and although I was only twenty three years old in form I was far older in chronological years. In fact, in two hundred and eighty one years of life I was sure I'd never done so much emotional damage, but then as a vampire, I'd never had a family before either. The saying was, "you always hurt the ones you love." I suppose they…whoever "they" were…were right.

I had started to see the first haze of early morning when I began to run back. I would go straight for the house, pick up Edward's trail and attempt to apologize, although at this point I couldn't be sure if he would accept it. I had rocked the very foundation of our relationship. I would have to build from the ground up once again…to re-establish his trust in me. Esme…I had no idea how to atone for the wrongs I had done her. She must have envisioned me as a violent or hard man. I must have been working so desperately in my desire to be more distant and not surprise her with any feelings that I might have that I had seemed aloof. If she thought me cold enough to strike her what other horrors could she have conjured in her mind?

As the lush greenery sped by I counted the seconds until I would come to the clearing that would lead to the house. Esme, whom I had feared might be walking lonely and lost in the dark, was sitting on the front step. She stood the second I came into view and I heard her say my name as she darted forward. When she was only inches from me she stopped and took my hand. "I was so afraid! Even though you promised you would always be there I thought that I had driven you both away!" I saw that she was deeply upset, and I was immediately very contrite.

"Esme…" I took both of her hands now and stared penitent into her eyes. "Please know that the upset that I caused last night was not your fault in any way. Nor was it Edward's. My selfishness prompted me to say some very hurtful things. Then, to act out in such a violent manner…I am honestly embarrassed. However, when I saw you cower away from me I was completely disarmed and undone. Esme, I would never strike you in anger. I may be old, but the years have not hardened me so much that I would hurt someone that I care for. I know that I have been very distant with you. I didn't mean to seem so indifferent. Please know that I understand it was wrong, the way that I treated both you and Edward, and it will never happen again." The words escaped my lips so quickly I was afraid that I would have to repeat myself, but Esme merely smiled a very sweet smile that was painted with a sense of relief.

"I went to look for Edward after you left…he's so very fast." Esme confessed looking incredibly troubled. "You know him best Carlisle, do you think that he will return?" Her eyes would have been filled with tears if she had been able to cry. Honestly I was very upset myself. I hoped and prayed that I would be able to locate my son.

"I don't know if I will be able to find him. I will try my very best. I have done him an injustice." I didn't know why I was lingering here when I had to search for my son. Although at that moment I realized that I had not yet said the most important words to her. "I'm sorry Esme." She had a small twig in her hair from her search for Edward and as my hand reached up to untangle it from her honey colored locks her own darted out and held mine pressing her cheek into my open palm.

"Thank you." The words were quiet, but her forgiveness was the sweetest absolution I had ever known.

"I will live every day to make this up to you both. You have my word." I whispered as I traced my thumb against her cheek.

"No Carlisle, although you were a bit out of hand last night that is not exactly why I was saying that. Thank you for being the man I always hoped you were." Her correction confused me and she must have seen it in my face because she continued. "My memory of you is the strongest I have. The time I spent with you in the hospital so long ago was so much more precious than you could have ever known. I could never have faced my life afterward without the idea of you...and you are everything that I imagined you were. Even during the pain of changing into what we are…the instant I saw your face I knew that I was safe. I had nothing left to fear."

Esme's words were like a balm to my nerves. I was honored that she would have thought of me, but I was saddened at the same time that her husband, whoever he was, seemed to have faded from her mind. Would she not be thinking of him and her child more than I? Had she lost her memory of them to save herself the limitless heartache? My hand lowered from her smiling face and I smiled back into her darkening ruby eyes trying to convey my happiness at her confession without adding my doubt. Was she saying these things to make me happy because she still felt at fault? Was she saying them because she thought I would want to hear it?

"Don't be ridiculous." Edward walked out of the forest with a very agitated gait and I was not in the least bit surprised that he would address my thoughts before I could even begin to talk. Edward often spoke aloud first because I had always told him that my opinions were not off limits to him, anything in my mind was open for debate. "Carlisle, I know you're sorry. I could hear your thoughts…I was never very far from you, just far enough that it would be hard to hear me and I stayed downwind so that you wouldn't smell me. Father, please, it was just as much my fault. I pushed you when you were obviously agitated. I thought I understood the situation more than I did. I should know better than to attempt to manipulate circumstances that are none of my business. I apologize." Edward's words surprised me…not because of his selfless acceptance of my awful behavior, but because I had made the mistake of believing that he had not been completely aware of my thoughts yesterday.

Of course he had been privy to every thought I had. I had not exactly done much to block such a thing! So now he knew that I was aware of his closeness with Esme, and that I had caught on to his growing relationship. On top of that he knew of the selfish reasons for my awful outburst and that I had lingering feelings for her. Now I was truly baffled as to what direction to go in, but Esme interrupted my confusion.

"Edward! Oh Edward! I was so concerned for you!" Esme ran toward Edward and immediately threw her arms around him. "You were so upset…both your father and I were worried." He held her with a serene smile on his face and gently patted her back in a comforting manner. I turned away so that I would not intrude on their personal moment. I had to let Edward know in some way that they would be left to their privacy.

"Thank you Esme. I'm sorry I made you worry. I didn't mean to upset you." The words were tender and very heartfelt. I was glad to hear my son being so caring toward someone. This was good for him in so many ways. I heard them moving apart and I was ultimately surprised when I felt the feminine form of Esme hugging me tightly from behind. The sun had just finally come up over the horizon and in the cloudless blue I stared mesmerized by the iridescent skin on her arms. Edward spoke over my confusion, "Please don't let me "intrude on a personal moment. I'll leave you to your privacy." He snickered lightly before continuing, "I'm going inside before someone from the bank decides to check to see if we've run screaming from the house yet. It's supposedly haunted you know?" My son spoke lightly as he walked away from us, but I could tell he was not yet comfortable being with me. Esme had yet to disengage herself from my back, and I knew that I looked confused because as I watched Edward go he turned to give me an extremely full smile before going up the steps.

Despite the lightening of the mood I needed Edward to understand that I knew I was at fault for our fight. "Are you certain that there isn't anything I can do for you Edward. I know that this situation is not so easily mended. I feel that I have shown you a lack of care..." I countered as he reached the door.

"Believe me Carlisle, I couldn't possibly be better cared for with Esme constantly MOTHERING me." He was emphasizing the word on purpose, and I blinked for a few seconds and looked over my shoulder at the woman who was still clasping her arms around me. She had the most innocent smile I had ever seen her eyes closed in a comfortable way. It was like she had lost every care that she'd ever had. I almost staggered with the implication. Could Edward and Esme's relationship truly be something so completely different than what I believed? I would have asked him if he hadn't walked into the house and closed the door in an obvious clue that I should still tread lightly. He had purposefully left our fight out of his last statement. We would speak of it again.

"Do you think that he's really forgiven you?" Esme asked quietly as she drew away from my back and I missed her presence.

I answered her honestly, "I think it will be a while before he really opens up to me. It's no more than I deserve. I will be there when he comes back, and I have learned a very valuable lesson about being a father. I will stumble…and I will do things wrongly, but that is the part of me that is only human. I'm not afraid to fail anymore." I paused momentarily to turn toward Esme and took silent stock of her hair shining in the light before I went on. "At least, I'm not afraid to fail in the way that I feared before. I am needed as a composed center, or we will always find ourselves in turmoil. For as much as we are intrinsically human, we are vampires too. I have been less settled lately, and it is affecting us all. I am convinced that I can bring us to calmer waters if I allow myself to be who I am."

Esme took my hand. "I'm glad you feel that way Carlisle." The emphasis of my given name on her lips was a sweet reminder of her forgiveness. Her eyes were drawn to my own and the red irises seemed to shine with determination. "I want to help you however I can. I'm so sorry that I haven't been as open with you as I could. You seemed to think that you should have spent more time with me, but you fail to realize that it's just as much my fault for not being accessible. It was easy to reach out to Edward because he already knew what was on my mind. In a way though, he's exactly what I hoped my son would turn out to be: independent, talented, and intelligent…not to mention how handsome he is. I couldn't help but notice that with all that he has and all that he is he was lacking joy. It was foolish of me, but I thought that I could be like a mother to him. He seemed to need it."

Finally I understood. Esme HAD been forming a bond with Edward, but it was that of a parent. I knew that she was a worldly woman, but now I understood that she apparently had a deep desire to take care of others. It should have dawned on me earlier. I remembered watching her as she tearlessly cried and the way she quickly got herself under control. Maybe not for any other reason than to keep me happy, to assure me that her tears were not my fault…even if they were. Taking stock of my smile she smiled back and continued to talk to me. "I hope he doesn't think I'm overbearing. I just love to see him content, and he is fairly regularly agitated."

The observation made me laugh, but the topic was not one I found particularly humorous. I was loath to speak about Edward without his permission, but at the same time they were going to share space, and her concern for my son was genuine. "Edward is a very deep person. His father Edward Masen Senior was a very proper and honorable man, a prominent lawyer and a caring person. His mother was very intelligent, so much so that she knew me for what I was and begged me to change him as they lay dying from the Spanish Influenza. He lost them both and was turned into a monster all at the same time." A look of pain flitted across Esme's face as I told her of Edward's parents. She seemed to feel an empathic remorse for his loss. I continued, "I hope you can forgive me in time for taking you from your fate…I fear that Edward never will."

"I don't feel that he holds you in contempt Carlisle." Esme kept my hand and looked into my eyes as she began to speak. "It's a bit of a shock to become what we are…I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Of course I'm not even a week into this life. Edward is walking a different road than even you or I. He can never be alone with his thoughts, and a man should be allowed his privacy. Edward can't ever have that. He fails to see the opportunities yet because he's trapped in his own skin at seventeen. His intellect has moved on, but his body, and perhaps in some small ways his emotions are still that of a young man. I think that if he had been allowed to continue his life he would have a secure job and a family by now. I think the idea of what he's lost is more painful than the reality of what he is. He may never grow beyond that." Esme smiled brightly and pulled me back toward the house. "As his new surrogate mother my biggest fear for him after talking with him at length is that he may always be incomplete like that. He swears that he is 'content in himself' whatever that's supposed to mean."

Esme and I reached the stairs of our home and she sat back down. I was desirous to sit next to her but waited until she motioned for me to join her. Her voice was small as she continued. "As for me…I wish I could tell you that what happened to me was an accident, but neither of us is foolish enough to fall for that. I lost everything Carlisle, everything. At the same time though, my life was far more complex than you might imagine. Your son has already confronted me, and he says that I should tell you my thoughts. He says I shouldn't be afraid to be open with you, but it's been a long time since I was completely frank with anyone. Unfortunately I'm a bit of a worry wart, and Edward has seen every misgiving I've had since I've been in your home. He probably knew more about me than my own parents in the first ten minutes of my being aware. I'm a bit afraid to tell you everything."

"Then tell me in your own time Esme." I wanted her to talk to me, but I would not force her, and I hoped that by telling her she had time to tell me that I would bridge the gap between us. I already had much to answer for, and that was strictly my involvement with her physical changes. Her emotional issues with me would have to be solved more slowly. I took both of her hands in mine and looked deeply into her alluring red eyes which had grown black with hunger. "Please don't ever feel like you owe me answers. I am the one who changed your decided fate against your will."

I was surprised when she took our joined hands and kissed the top of each of my own. I was almost embarrassed by her affectionate ways, but I intrinsically knew right away that it was just part of who Esme was. Her eyes continued to hold mine and I wondered if she could see my affections for her in my own. "You are a good man Carlisle Cullen, and I promise to tell you everything over the course of time. I wish you could understand how much I feel like I owe you for giving me a chance to do something other than die. I gave up. It's a little embarrassing, and a little bit painful, but it's not something you should feel guilty for. I'm happy to be here with you." She ducked her head away from me and before I could say anything more she rose from her place on the steps letting go of my hands. She was done with our conversation for now and moved on. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a whole house to work on. There is so much potential here it just sings!"

I looked at the wreck that was singing to Esme and laughed. "Are you sure you aren't just stepping on a creaking board over and over again?" She laughed good naturedly and I felt the tension ease away from her.

Her response was sweet and smiling. "Minutely sure Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Speaking of creaking boards I'm going to need materials and I didn't just sit here all night waiting for everyone to return." She took out a long list from her front pocket and handed it to me with a bit of a flourish. "Unlike you two sitting around and sulking I was hard at work. Just in case you came back I cleaned up the mess from the shattered window from Edward's temper…"

"Sorry Esme." The voice of my son came from one of the opened windows on the second floor. He looked incredibly smug despite his earlier obvious feelings toward me. It was exactly how I would have expected Edward to speak with his own mother. "I will go into town and buy you a new one with my own money."

"Well that you should Edward, and not to point fingers, but the poor innocent little vase that you destroyed putting another hole in my already challenged plaster Carlisle, what of that?" Her tone was teasing, but I realized in that moment that she was looking forward to fixing these things, and that she was putting together more than a house...she was tending the very roots of our lives.

"I promise to help you in any way that I can Esme, but right now you need to feed…look how I've neglected you." I answered back with a smile and a light caress of her cheek that must have surprised her because she quickly looked away from me as if I had embarrassed her. I felt so much love coming from her very presence. She was magnificent, and I decided in that moment that I wanted to do more than guide her or lead her. I wanted her to guide me. I had been alone for so long that I thought I would be unreachable. I wanted her to reach me. I wanted to belong to Esme in a way that I had never belonged to anyone. I would be anything for her, do anything for her. Now all I had to do was figure out how one went about courting in the nineteen twenties…I was doomed.


	6. Rising From the Ashes

Making a Home

Rising From the Ashes

By Ranma15177

Okay, I'm sure by now you've picked up on the fact that I'm pretty verbose. You know it…I know it…Dogs…they know it. I've been keeping these chapters short so far, but this one doesn't really lend itself, and I didn't want to break it up in the middle. No really good stopping points, and as much as I like cliffhangers I don't like them in the middle of exposition. That's not just cruel, it's literarily unsound.

I still don't own Twilight! Thank you to everyone who had kind words for my family in their hour of illness. You know who you are and you rock! The power of positive thinking has healed my children. Now we need to focus on Grandpa. They put him in a nursing home. It made me a bit upset.

I've been thinking about it…and I've decided you can all figure out the POV is Carlisle's on this one. I'm not going to re-establish that anymore. You've got the picture I'm sure. On with the craziness!

Last but not least…Esme's story is DARK. I will leave this rated the way it is because I don't have Esme explain her rape or her beating down to the minutes. I could definitely do it, and it would be very rated M…but I don't think it's necessary. Just like Rosalie she was violated and beaten. I cannot stress enough that her story is even more horrible because she was beaten and raped and who can say how often. Much like any other woman who is in this situation she feels trapped by her family's expectations and like most people who are abused she blames herself. IF YOU ARE IN THIS SITUATION PLEASE LEAVE! I will not bore you with my life's story or anyone else's but this is a recipe for death and disaster. Esme's story didn't end with an unusual dénouement. If he can hit you, he doesn't love you. Carlisle loves you. Charles does not. Carlisle is out there if you have the strength to look.

I love you all. : )

We had been in Paradise for three remarkable months. I finished cleaning up the mess Edward and I had made almost the instant after we'd gone inside. I had kept the pieces of the little vase I had destroyed. It was a memento of sorts to my mistakes as a father. Esme did prove to be very handy, and what she didn't know she was very eager to learn. She and Edward worked on the house together. It really was good to see both of them absorbed in a project. I honestly thought I saw my son beginning to enjoy himself, even though his interests didn't really lie in home construction. His grin would show itself more often, and for that I was grateful.

I remembered specifically the night when Esme had tripped over a box, fallen into Edward, who fell into the wall, and subsequently though said wall while knocking over the ladder in the next room ending up with a bucket of wallpaper paste dumped all over them. I had expected him to be upset, but he had immediately burst into gales of laughter, not only because of the situation, but because he said Esme's eyes were the size of two dinner plates. I couldn't help laughing as well and she joined in making the moment almost perfect. If I could only figure out a way to say the right thing at such moments I would be all set.

I traveled back and forth over the countryside in my new Ford to various people in the community to do what I did best, but I wanted most of all to be home. The only thing that kept me going out was the ever present knowledge that I was doing my work to save lives. Esme was becoming more captivating to me by the day. Edward would send me glares over her shoulder when we were out of her line of sight, frustrated no doubt by my complete lack of forward progression. He was forced to listen to my endless thoughts about her…ranging from the eloquent to the inappropriate, so I could understand his frustration.

Finally he cornered me. "Read her a poem. Take her on a drive. Write her a dirty limerick. DO SOMETHING!" Edward ranted at me one day when Esme was out of earshot…well hopefully.

"I'm sorry it frustrates you son, but I'm not used to this sort of thing. You're just going to have to be patient with me." I said quietly setting my bag into the back of the car.

"I'm sorry father, I don't mean to be rude, but it's just so obvious…you need to actually court her if you intend to have a relationship. Maybe if you just started by taking her out and telling her about yourself…?" Edward's suggestion seemed like a fairly decent one.

"I imagine that would take up a bit of time. Do you really think that she would want to hear all of that?" I was uncertain that telling her my story would be the best way to start off our relationship. I didn't want to put too much emphasis on our extreme age differences. I didn't want to scare her away.

"Don't be absurd Carlisle, we're immortal. Do you think it matters how old you are? That's not going to change the fact that you're never going to grow old or die. There, perfect! You have that in common, work with it!" My son rolled his eyes and I felt a bit of frustration at his dismissal.

"Are you really certain I should be coming to you for any advice on relationships that may determine our status? I wouldn't want to cause any misunderstandings or confusion…" I asked with a knowing yet frustrated smile.

"I was under the impression that everyone in TOWN thinks you two are already married, how about that for confusion?" Edward asked with a laughing smirk. Of course we heard a high clanging metal sound and a small gasp ahead of us as Esme dropped a trowel on the gravel we had laid down recently and her hand was lightly covering her mouth. Edward looked at me with an apology clear on his face he spoke quickly and very quietly, "I swear I didn't hear her coming."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude on your conversation; I just needed the larger spade." Esme pointed over my shoulder as she timidly spoke. The implement was next to me and I picked it up and gave it over to the embarrassed young woman in front of me. "I wasn't supposed to hear that was I?"

"It was a good cover story, and I implemented it without speaking to you. I didn't mean for you to feel awkward Esme. I apologize." I said it so quickly and at such a monotone that it sounded almost uninterested. Edward sent a glare at me over his shoulder and Esme seemed to wither a bit. That was so incredibly stupid! How could I say something so seemingly insensitive? At the very least I could have made her feel good about my social faux pas?

"Not at all…I need to get back to work. Please excuse me." Esme mumbled as she all but ran out of the garage and I immediately had my head in my hands.

"You're right. That was ever so slightly insensitive." Edward looked at me with a sort of shared insecurity. "She's thinking that you must think that she's juvenile for being upset about something that we have as a necessity."

"Poor, Esme!" I was tempted to go after her but Edward shook his head.

Edward took my shoulder in his hand and spoke, "You'll only make it worse…she's hiding from you right now. She's embarrassed. Besides, you need to get to the Jackson's house.

"You're right of course. Why do I feel like a blithering idiot?" I had never experienced such a feeling of inadequacy before.

"We are all fools for love." Edward quoted Jane Austin at me and turned back toward the garden, to help Esme I guessed. "If you want help…you should probably read up. I couldn't tell you more than what I've read in books. I've never been in love. If I'm lucky, I never will."

"That's the one thing over the course of our many conversations that has no debate. I'm sure you're wrong about falling in love. I may feel insufficient, and silly, but I also feel incredibly lucky. I have never felt so alive. Fall quickly, fall hard, and fall forever Edward because there is no better feeling on earth." I jumped into the car and sped away to the Jackson farm. I noticed Edward watching me drive away with a contemplative look on his face.

'

Later that week I decided to listen to Edward's suggestion. I would drive into town to pick up supplies for our renovation, and any books that either Edward or Esme wanted. Esme had taken up reading about home decorating. If our front parlor was any indication, she was getting the hang of everything she read. After I gave her the reading material she asked for I was prepared finally to go on a walk with Esme. Edward's piano had just been delivered earlier that day, and he was ecstatic to see it again. I had missed his playing. Reproductions of music would never be as welcome to me as real music. He went to work immediately to tune the instrument which had apparently grabbed Esme's attention by the time I was returning. I listened intently to hear them in the house.

"You know how to play and tune a piano Edward?" She sounded like the proudest mother alive.

"I don't have the patience to wait for someone else to do it. The human ear isn't as acute as ours anyway. I can hear dissidence much better than the oldest tuning master. The piano has supposedly already been tuned. Listen?" I heard the bench slide across the wood floor as someone sat. "This is the section that I've already worked on." Edward struck a major chord and I assume Esme listened. "Now…" He struck that same chord at the same time as he played one in the less tuned area of the piano. It must have garnered a reaction because he laughed slightly and returned, "See?"

Esme must have stood and walked away, for I heard footsteps and Edward would never leave his piano untuned. Soon afterward he answered a thought, or a very quietly spoken question. "No, I don't need silence, but I do appreciate it for what I'm doing. After I'm done I'll play you something. Carlisle has returned." I heard a small intake of breath and suddenly had my arms full of Esme and bags. The front door with the fixed window was wide open and the sun came out just long enough to cast light on our newly finished deck. The spindles were painted a brilliant white. I allowed myself to smile at our work's obvious progression.

"Edward! Your new sheet music was in. I also brought you blank staff pages. I'll leave it on the kitchen table." I spoke aloud and I heard a noncommittal grunt from Edward.

Esme sighed in contentment as I gave her the book she'd asked for. "You have no idea how much this helps!" She kissed my cheek and I swear I would have turned pink if I'd been capable of it. Her reactions to the small things I did were so gratifying. I wanted very badly to please her, and for some reason it was easy to do.

"I do now." I said with a smile on my lips. She immediately pulled away with the supplies and ran them to her shed. I walked inside past Edward who was half inside his piano with a tuning fork and a pin calibrator. I set my son's things down on the table and raced back through the door to join Esme outside. I heard Edward say a quiet "good luck" as I ran.

When I reached the out building Esme was already measuring and cutting a baseboard with a hand saw. A square of sand paper sat next to the operation, as well as a planer and various other tools. "Carlisle? Can I help you with anything?"

"Actually I was just wondering if you would accompany me tonight. It seemed like it would remain clear enough to enjoy the stars, and I hoped you would join me?" I felt like a very young man waiting on her favor. Any indiscretions I have had over the centuries had actually been instigated by the various females I had met and they were focused on physical needs and definitely not emotional attachment.

She put down the hand saw, and looked at me with a sort of pole-axed grin. "Really?" She asked me hesitantly. "Do you mean…as a friend?" She questioned meekly.

"Um, I was rather hoping that it could be something…a bit…a bit more than that actually." The words were stumbling and seemed ridiculous, but she seemed charmed. I couldn't believe I had actually just admitted that.

Esme took my hand and looked at me with a hesitant smile. She had another question for me. "What does more entail?"

"I'm not really sure yet, how about we play it by ear." With those words I knew I was smiling like an idiot, but I couldn't help it. Really I didn't care, which was good, because the comment seemed to make her incredibly happy, or perhaps it was my dopey grin? She waved at me as I departed from the building and I could have sworn I heard a bit of a girly squeal, however I felt a bit like that as well, so who was I to question it?

I retreated back into the house and as I passed the piano and Edward's legs I heard his voice again as the ratchet turned, "She's very excited to go with you and she's choosing a new outfit that she ordered through a catalogue to wear. I think the dress code is semi formal. Bring flowers...she likes them."

My son was an invaluable resource. "Thank you Edward, was that a guess, or were you eavesdropping?"

"Let's just say I have natural intuition." Edward responded back, and I ran up the stairs to change, as well as to finish some excess paperwork and research. Before I knew it the sun had set and Esme was knocking at my door.

"Carlisle?" She came into my study and I was blown away by her beautiful dress and the way the combs Edward had bought her held her hair up and away from her beautiful face.

"My Goodness, but you look incredible!" She was properly flattered and I was showing my affections. So far the evening was one for one…excellent!

We stepped out of the house together and Edward began to play something as he wrote the notes on the staff paper I had given him. I always encouraged him to write down his music even if he did have a perfect memory. It was a human distraction, but it really allowed him to put his musical theory to use. "Edward, did you want us to wait? I remember you said you wanted to play for Esme."

"It's alright Carlisle," my son answered distractedly, "I'm actually working on something I've been thinking about for ages. I might be less involved when you come back." His hands were playing a similar almost dark refrain and then switched over into something more lighthearted.

I lead my beautiful Esme out to into the wilderness and we spoke about the work on the house and the complexities and differences of working as a doctor in a hospital and a country doctor. They were two very different things. I hung on her every word and she hung on mine. Finally we were close to my destination. It was an open field in the middle of the wilderness. It had probably been pasture land at one time, but now it grew wild, and it was filled with…

"Flowers!" Esme delighted. She ran out into the field of wildflowers spinning and laughing. "Oh, you got me flowers! How wonderful!"

"Being our first time out together I thought it was appropriate, but I was worried that a bouquet wouldn't be enough, so I brought you a field full." It was simple, more 1790 than 1920, but maybe I didn't have to think like a man from the twenties for me to win Esme's heart. I decided that it would be easier to just be myself.

She continued to turn awed slow circles and I picked a flower and walked up to Esme setting the bud in her hair. "There…a blossom for My Blossom."

"You have got to be the most perfect person alive…do you know that?" Her eyes were filled with joy and her words trembled as she hugged me.

I took the bag from my back and took out the blanket it held spreading it under us so that we could watch the stars without interruption of the scenery. I spoke as I worked, "I'm definitely not perfect Esme. I'm just a man, and I've made some awful decisions and my history isn't all light. Would you like to hear it Esme?" She was encouraging and lay down next to me as I took up space on the blanket. She curled herself around me and I began to point out stars and constellations as well as telling stories from my youth in London.

"Don't you think your father would have had mercy on you at all Carlisle?" Esme asked with pain in her eyes much later.

"There are times that I wonder…but I think I was right. I don't think he would have suffered me as a monster. I really never gave him the chance to decide." I spoke as I drew circles on the skin of her hand that rested over my silent heart. "I refused to give into the monster though…so maybe now…now he might be proud of me." It was really hard for me to guess at the way my father would have reacted to my reality.

"I'm impressed." Esme smiled and curled herself even closer to my side. The clouds had begun to swallow the sky again, and there wouldn't be much stargazing left tonight. I intrinsically knew it was almost two in the morning. Our kind have extremely good internal body clocks.

"Do you want to head back now…have you had enough of me?" I asked hoping that I wasn't boring her.

"Please tell me more? I would love to hear everything about your life…and there is quite a bit more to tell from what you've said." Esme prompted.

"Indeed. There is much to tell." The fact made me nervous because it showed her exactly how much more life I had lived. "I guess I could start by telling you how I got into medicine…" She barely spoke throughout the night, but Esme watched me carefully throughout, and when we began to rise and go back to the house it was morning and the sun was rising.

We were both talking about her transformation and mine when we got back to the house. "At least the poor creature I was chasing was defending itself." I spoke with sadness, "I can hardly say you were an angry mob. I was selfish. I don't even know if I was saving you for myself or saving you for you."

Esme kept her hand in mine and she tugged me forward to the steps of the house. I allowed her to bring me with her, and when she began to speak we sat. "You saved me in so many ways that you can't even begin to fathom. Maybe it's time to share what I can remember from my life. I've been afraid that you would hate me, or I would upset you, or worst of all that you wouldn't want me near you if you knew the truth."

"I could never do such a thing Esme." I admitted freely.

"I'm starting to see that, but please remember that things have changed since I was sixteen. I've been through some things that made me different from the person you met. Do you remember what I said to you before you left?" The words were small and whispered, but I made them out easily. "I really had fallen in love with you, but I was smart enough to know that I was too young for an accomplished doctor, and that I wouldn't burden you with my feelings above and beyond that one small admission. I thought I was being reckless and brave by saying it, but I knew better than to be so forward. My parents definitely would have been scandalized if they'd heard!"

Esme laughed nervously and drew circles on my palm with her thumb. She continued to speak when I smiled at her comfortingly. "When that month that we spent together was up I began to focus on becoming a teacher. I wanted to move away from Columbus…and my father's expectations. Unfortunately one of my traits in life has never been independence and my father forbade me to move. He said it was unbecoming a lady to live alone in the world and unseemly that I should make such ridiculous plans. I watched as each one of my friends married and had children of their own, but I still compared every man I met with you. A very unfair measurement I assure you. Finally I was the last one without a secure future, the last one who had yet to marry and move from home. I was twenty two years old, and I was still trying desperately to follow my heart…which was far away."

Esme let go of my hands and sprung lightly to her feet and began to pace agitatedly. "The knowledge that I would eventually break free probably scared my father. I think he was more concerned with the appearance of propriety than the reality of a happy family. That's how it happened that in nineteen seventeen…I was married. I finally realized that my dream was hopeless in my father's home. I would never be allowed to be a teacher. I gave up my dream for his. That's how I came to be married to Charles Evenson…it wasn't love, or hope, it was convenience. My father's convenience at that…my own dreams were nothing but hopeless memories. I didn't like him, Charles I mean, but I didn't hate him, so I gave in to my father's wishes.

"It wasn't long before Charles showed his true self to me. He seemed calm and non-threatening when I was with him in town. After we were married I met the real Charles though. I can remember the first time he hit me…a lot of my memories seem to be fused together…like it was all one big horrible beating…but I remember the surprise and fear from that first time as if it were etched in my brain. I was sitting in the parlor reading. He walked in from town much later than I expected. His dinner had long gone cold from neglect. It was around ten thirty, but he reeked of cigars and spirits. He stumbled over the edge of the carpet and I went over to steady him. Immediately he shouted at me not to touch him and struck me. We both fell over and I remember the taste of my blood filling my mouth. He had broken open my lip and it swelled instantly. His weight was uncomfortable and I tried desperately to remove myself from under him."

Esme paused and placed her hand against her mouth as if checking to see if it were still injured and I fought against my very nature. I wanted to growl, to snarl, and most of all I wanted to hold Esme and swear my eternal devotion to her happiness. I was afraid that any of those actions at this moment would scare her away…so I stayed silent and waited for her to continue. My fingers dug into the wood on the steps to calm my fury at her abuse. I could almost see her mind replaying the event and was very glad that I could never see Charles' face. If I were gifted like Edward I would see what she was thinking now, could glance at the face that had caused her pain. I would have killed him happily…and that scared me.

Esme continued as if she were uncertain that she should, "He began to tear at my clothing and call me awful names. If I tried to get away he would hit me again, and I did try to get away. He hit me over and over again as he fumbled with his own clothes. I started to cry and he hit me saying that he would strike me until I stopped. I got myself under control just in time for him to force himself on me. Fortunately he didn't hit me with the distraction of violating me, and when he was finished he fell asleep. I've never been so happy to see someone stop moving. I was afraid to wake him, almost afraid to move or breath, but eventually I got away from him…" I saw her shudder against the memory and began to heave with dry sobbing. I was off the stair before I could even fathom what I would do, and I gathered her into my arms lifting her from her feet and she instantly curled into a ball in my arms.

"Oh, Esme." She was clutching at my clothes and crying tearlessly in her pain. "Shhh…Look at me Esme." She tentatively raised her eyes to my own and I could see the misery there. "No one will hurt you now. He will never touch you again. I promise…it's over." I watched her eyes, dulled with remembered pain, filled with memories of another kind of physical contact turning the darkest shade of miserable black. "Let's go down to the stream and hunt. You're thirsty." She nodded her head and I continued to carry her away from the house.

"There's more that I need to tell you…The story isn't over yet Carlisle." Her words were shaky and stilted.

"I know," I commented, "I want you to be as physically comfortable as possible when you talk to me though. I don't want you to suffer needlessly. You have been through too much pain, and I won't subject you to more."

"I can walk." She whispered as she let go her clutching hands and made a move to get out of my arms.

"You could." I supplied. "Or you could let me take care of you. It's what I want, but I would never force you."

"I'll stay here then." Her eyes were still full of pain as she said this, but she did wrap her arms around my neck and settle her head against my throat. Her unnecessary breath was causing small pleasant tingles against my hard skin as we walked further into the trees toward our hunting grounds. We walked into a small thicket that led into an open space and she stayed content in my arms until we scented out a heard of deer and then I let her down from my embrace and watched her as she felled the nearest creature. I too attacked an animal close by so that I could remain by her side. She finished draining the deer and looked up at me with a fond smile although she still seemed unsettled by the setting and she surprised me when she told me so.

"I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with all of this death…" She looked down and I felt a small pang of misery at what I had made her into. Esme didn't deserve to be so sad…she was an angel to me.

"I'm sorry…" I felt a familiar feeling spread over me. The shame that I had been wrestling with since I had selfishly taken Edward's life and caused his pain, and now Esme…sweet, beautiful Esme. "I've been so self-serving. It's my biggest flaw. I was lonely, it was wrong, but I had been so alone for so long. I can see the way it haunts Edward to still be alive sometimes…like he's waiting for the end to come, like he's tired and in pain. The phantom ache of his life follows him day and night. What I've done to you both is unforgivable." I walked to the middle of the clearing and sank against the waiting roots of an old tree. We had something in common that tree and I…we were both ancient and alone.

"Please don't Carlisle. Edward loves you regardless…and so do I." She stood hesitantly and walked to my side stepping warily watching my face as I watched hers. She lowered herself into my lap and continued speaking, "We love you so very much. Edward may not be happy all the time…but who is? Eventually he will stop dwelling on what he is so much, but for right now it's how he deals with it. If he hated you, he would have left. He respects and cares for you. I know it. He's told me so."

"I would give you both anything to…" Her hand silenced me. Fingers pressed over my lips.

"Before we deal with right now I want to finish telling you about my past. I'm going to finish my story. Do you want me to continue?" Esme asked and I nodded my head in ascent. "I got upstairs and took in all the damage he did. My face was bleeding and swollen, my body covered in bruises. I was miserable inside and out. I had never been handled so carelessly. I immediately decided I would call on my mother. She had to know about this violation that I had suffered. I needed her council, and I left the next morning after Charles had gone to the office to call on her."

Her gaze seemed to shift from me to a far off place as if she were concentrating before speaking again. "I can hardly remember my mother's face right now…but I remember what she told me. "Esme," she said, "you need to support your husband. Go back immediately, and try harder to make him happy. He wouldn't feel the need to force himself on you if you were more accessible to him. He senses your indifference. Give him the opportunity to love you like a man is supposed to and he won't resort to violence." As if she could understand the horrors of having a drunken man beat and rape her.

"She was blaming me for Charles' behavior. It was my fault that he had beaten me beyond recognition. I was to blame. I lived much that way until Charles was summoned to fight. World War One was a horrible crisis to everyone else, but to me it was like my sentence was lifted. Charles being called up meant there would be no more beatings…no more rapes…I could be out amongst others and I didn't have to make up excuses for my various wounds. I had been married…but unlike every other woman I spoke to, I felt like a released slave instead of a waiting wife." Esme admitted with a joyless smile. I stoked my hands comfortingly up and down her back as she sat against my chest.

Esme lowered her head into the space between my shoulder and my neck and I shivered as her lips brushed against my cold flesh. She seemed to consider her words again and continued her horrible tale, "Charles returned in 1919…and I thought I would die. I can never be sure if it was because I had tasted freedom again, or if it was because war had made him bloodthirsty, but he returned to me an even more horrible monster than before. He would beat me until I couldn't stand…couldn't breath. Sometimes he would scream at me telling me that he was going to kill me. His words were never kind…but by the time he would get through hurting me I remember thinking that I wished he would kill me…that it was the kindest thing he could have ever said to me. He used my body indiscriminately and I was never a consideration. It was the longest year of my life. When I began to vomit in the mornings I thought he had broken me finally…and that I was dying from the abuse. I welcomed the prospect of death to the endless sequence of pain. When my body stopped cycling I was convinced there was something wrong. I waited for Charles to leave the house and I went to the doctor.

"When I found out that I wasn't dying…that I was pregnant…I ran for my life. I would not let him kill our child in cold blood. I would never have the strength to leave him for the sake of myself, but the life growing inside of me would NEVER know the cruelty that I had suffered. I packed everything that would fit in a small carpet bag and I was in Milwaukee before I even really understood what I had done. I stayed with family…lying about my husband. I told them that he was away on business, and that I was lonely. I hoped they wouldn't enquire into my story with my parents, but someone eventually mentioned me in correspondence. My father sent me an angry letter saying that Charles was on his way to find me. I was gone that night.

"I wandered farther north until I ended up in Ashland. I had heard that they were in need of a replacement teacher and I was excited to begin a new life. One where I wasn't dependant on anyone, and I could raise my child to be a real person, someone that wouldn't derive their pleasure from causing pain. My pregnancy was hard. My body was weak, and I feared that I would lose my child. The labor was arduous, and long. In the end though Jonathan Alexander Evanson was born sickly and weak like myself. He didn't last through the second day of his small life. His lungs filled with fluid from infection and he died. I had nothing left to live for. Certainly I couldn't go back to Charles, and I couldn't live knowing that I would never have any form of joy in my life. I had stupidly sent word to my mother that I was alive…and I feared for Charles to find me. That was how you found me on that night. That was why I was throwing my life away." Esme's voice trembled as if she was crying, but no tears could fall.

I rocked her gently and spoke quietly into her hair holding her indecently close. "Shhh…Esme. No one will ever touch you again. I won't let anything harm you. No wonder you thought I was going to hit you when I lost my temper that time! Good lord! Esme…I would never, ever, strike you my love." The word love spilled out and she clutched at my shoulder and gasped slightly. "You've always tried so hard to be caring and this is how I have repaid you? I had no idea that things had been so hard for you…so desperate. I have caused you even more pain haven't I Esme? I'm as much a monster as Charles in my own way."

She hissed at that statement and shook her head. "Never, Carlisle! You may be a vampire…but Charles was a monster. You are what a true man should be. No more self loathing. You can still give me the only thing I ever wanted." She was shaking fairly badly as her hand slid over my cheek and down my neck. I was in shock…I wasn't sure what to do. I knew what I wanted…but the things we want and what others want aren't always the same thing. I still didn't know for sure that she wanted me. She was an affectionate person by nature. I was so much older…and I had not been overt with my own feelings. As her face drew closer to my own I wondered if this would be another peck on the cheek.

Her lips crashed heatedly against my own and I willingly kissed her back with everything I was. Could she truly feel this way? I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her as close as I dared and she did the same.

I was caught up in her scent, in her lips, in her body. It felt like falling, like flying. Every sonnet, every story, every poem ever written about love was a dim uncertain candle to the actual fire I felt at that moment. The words for my feelings were there, and I was so very ready to use them. I was afraid that I would scare her with the intensity of my feelings…but if that was the case…let it be now when the blaze was like this instead of later when my emotions were an absolute conflagration. We came away from each other gasping for breath and I gently stroked her beautiful hair and kept her body close to my own. Our eyes were connected. The words fell from my lips and I couldn't help the smile that accompanied them. "I'm in love with you Esme, I always was."


	7. Conflict to Comfort

Making a Home

Conflict to Comfort

By Ranma15177

Esme's eyes were filled with surprise and confusion and it carried over into her voice. "You…love me?"

"Yes Esme. Love, like in a sonnet or a song. I would sing…but I make a horrible noise." I admitted. Esme laughed, but it was strained. "I felt it back then, when I met you so long ago, but I was not about to take you from your future. I couldn't fathom hurting you, so I let you go. It was strange. The connection I felt then was so strong after such a short time I was hesitant to leave a place for the first time in hundreds of years. You brought me a measure of peace that I have never known. Having you live here with me…having you in my home and my life…It's been more than I can describe. I've been driving Edward insane!" My nervous laugh was followed by hers and I kissed her forehead and ran my fingers through her beautiful hair again. "Could you…I mean…is it possible? May I court you Esme?" She sighed but it gave me no idea as to her response so I waited for her to reply.

I watched her close her eyes and settle her forehead against my shoulder. "You can't. We…can't."

I felt a small shiver of pain and rejection run up my spine. She didn't want me. I knew this would happen, and now she was going to feel awkward. "You don't have to return my feelings. Love isn't an obligation, and I won't hold you to mine. I just wanted to let you know how I felt…how I've always felt." My words were quiet and I could feel the sting in them. I hoped my voice wasn't as full of emotion as I thought. "Please understand Esme. I won't try to control you, and if you feel uncomfortable at all…I promise from now on I will keep my distance. I'm sorry."

I rose to stand careful to be gentle about setting her on her feet. "No, Carlisle please let me explain." Her voice was hesitant and also full of moisture-less tears. I didn't mean to hurt her. My dead heart felt pierced through. I slowly let go of her hands and stepped away.

"Of course…all the time in the world right? Unfortunately, not right now. I have to take my leave. This must seem like a very awkward stopping place, but I actually have to be by the Sinclair house at nine this morning, and that is at least forty five minutes from here by car. I'll be late even now." I walked off not even giving her time to say more. I was afraid of the pain, afraid of being without the reciprocation of this perfect emotion for the rest of my life, and I would feel it forever I was sure. Feeling for the first time as though I'd been completely destroyed outside and in since I had been changed so long ago. For the second time in so many months I did something that used to be out of character for me. As soon as I was out of sight, I ran. I ran until I was at the porch of our house and went inside with a heavy heart.

'_Why had I even bothered to try? She probably thinks I'm absurd now.'_ Edward was standing confused at the side of the piano as I came through the front door. _'I should have just left well enough alone. She doesn't feel the same.'_ Thinking it was easier than saying it.

"What do you mean she doesn't feel the same?" Edward looked at me like I was insane. "I assure you Carlisle you're all she thinks about. Well except when she's remodeling the house…then she thinks about that. However it's always with your sensibilities in mind so she's ALWAYS thinking about you."

"I'm actually late to make a house call, so I don't really have time to spend talking through this right now." I hastily went upstairs and changed clothes. Edward followed me.

"Please tell me you didn't just make another ridiculous mistake." Edward challenged me with an exasperated sigh.

"The only thing that could possibly make this worse is if you dated her." I threw my jacket over my shirt. "No scratch that…I can probably think of worse."

"Well…as she's head over heels in love with you that's probably not going to happen any time soon." My son threw back getting more agitated.

"I can only go on what she tells me Edward. I don't have your talent…and says she doesn't want me." I walked down the stairs and then ran to my car. "It's okay. I understand her trepidation. I'm old…and she's…beyond me." I started the car and threw it into reverse. Edward walked alongside and threw the door open.

"The only thing that's beyond you is the concept that she wants you. Did she say that she didn't love you?" He was in the car now closing the door and I distinctly wished I could throw him out. Despite it being very out of character for me, I didn't want to reason right now I wanted to sulk and I had an excuse to be away for at least two or three hours ahead of me. "That's just excellent, a great idea. However it won't help you. Answer the question. Did she say she didn't love you?" We sped along the coast and the grey waves crashed against the shore mimicking my mood brilliantly.

"She said she couldn't." I turned back toward him and continued. "No…she said I couldn't…that we couldn't be in love."

"Did you let her explain that?" Edward asked immediately. "That doesn't sound like she said she didn't love you it sounds like she's telling you that you don't love her."

I paused for a second. "Not exactly, well, I don't really know Edward. I was busy feeling like ripping out my heart."

"Maybe you should have let her clarify that. Maybe it isn't what you're thinking." My son suggested. "Have you even given her reasons a thought? It might surprise you. Did she tell you what happened to her? Did you really listen? She ran from everything she knew, and was, and tried…successfully I might add…to kill herself. She feels unworthy father. She thinks she's not good enough for you. In her mind the things Charles did to her were her fault. In her mind it was under her control, and if she had just been a little better for him he wouldn't have hurt her so much. She BELIEVES it."

I nearly drove off the road, as it was I slammed on the breaks and we both were jerked forward and back as the engine stalled. "How could she possibly come to that conclusion?" The very notion that Esme was to blame for that monster's behavior was a ridiculous idea. I felt the anger creep up on me and I got out of the car and paced in tight circles as Edward joined me outside of the car.

"Carlisle, it was part of her life. We need to give her time to understand that life is going to be different for her now. Even if her soul is damned…I guess it's all equal considering." Edward consoled.

I ignored Edward's comment about our constant lingering theological argument. "I've never felt so much rage toward another person in my life Edward. NEVER!" I walked to a stone that I found along the shore of the rocky beach and crushed it into dust while my son watched.

"He hurt her. He beat her and raped her…and she was mine. I held her heart, and she held my own. Damn it she was mine!" I halted in my step and seethed even though I knew on some level that it was an irrational thing to say. Edward seemed to agree by the way he smiled and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. _'Edward, I'm as much to blame as he is. I was the one who left her behind to have a life. I couldn't be angry at her when that life turned out in such an awful way, but I am furious with myself.'_

"You couldn't have known how she was going to suffer…or even that fate would give her back to you. I think you did the right thing…both times. I'm glad Esme is here. I'm glad she got a second chance with you even if you're struggling right now." Edward looked sheepish and resisted this admonition, probably due to his many arguments about our souls.

"I thought you didn't believe in destiny?" I asked with a frustrated brush of fingers through my hair.

"Maybe for some things," Edward answered with a smile. "Esme reminds me so much of my own mother…from the things I can remember. She was always so frank with me, and she loved me above everything. I remember her holding me and singing to me in the hospital while we were dying. I can see the same look in Esme's eyes that my mother's held. I know that Esme is with us because of her decisions and yours, rationally I know these things. Irrationally though I can't help the selfish thought that God knew that I was struggling without my mother and sent Esme so that I wouldn't have to. Maybe we're both just selfish."

I nodded my head. "Yes, I've never felt so selfish in all my days. Son…I'm going to need your help. First I need to understand what I can of this situation. Why does she believe what Charles did to her is her fault?" I stopped in my pacing and headed back into the Ford as Edward joined me on the passenger side. "I need to buy something European…this thing is driving me crazy. Maybe something from Germany, those Germans really know how to build a car."

"I'll help you find something more suitable if you want to look." Edward talked as I calmed myself once more and re-started the vehicle. "As to your first question, I've seen it before. In a small part of their mind they know it's wrong, that the abuse isn't their fault. The larger part of them makes excuses for the behavior so that it's okay. They live in a reality of pain and suffering. It's long term torture. The mind has to make some kind of protection against the madness, and so they rationalize and take blame. It probably takes time to heal those kinds of wounds, but I'm pretty sure that leaving the individual alone in the woods and running away from them isn't part of the mending process."

I let my head fall to the steering wheel and cursed. "Bollocks!"

"Hmm, that was blatantly British of you. I've never heard you do that before, well, not out loud." Edward laughed and it caused me to do so as well.

I would have to make this up to Esme somehow as well as Edward. I was doing a lot of that lately. "I've never really been one for swearing. This seems like an appropriate time. Edward, could you please meet up with Esme. I really do have to make it to the Sinclair house. Estelle is going into her fourth month and she's been experiencing small pains in her stomach and she's been bruising easily. She's not the most coordinated woman on the planet either, trips over her own feet. I'm starting to think there's a problem."

"I'll go get her." Edward accepted. "After all of this is settled I'm going to need a vacation, and before you suggest it Denali isn't a vacation it's a sentencing."

"I'll remember that the next time Elezar extends an invitation. You know, Tanya is only curious about you. You're probably the first man to ever deny her advances. The more you struggle against her the more adamant she'll become." I knew a few things about courtship…just because I couldn't manage my own love life didn't mean I didn't understand lust. "I respect your desire to stay out of her bedroom, and if you continue to be gentlemanly she may respect your wishes as well."

"I'd be more likely to teach bears to yodel." My son sighed. "You haven't been in her mind. It's a scary place. I don't suggest you visit. I'm going back to the house now." Edward jumped from the vehicle and shut the door gently. He never slammed the doors on his cars unless he was in a foul mood. He said it hurt the integrity of the hinges or some such nonsense.

"Thank you Edward."

Estelle was definitely suffering from stress and she had bruises everywhere. I was beginning to get the feeling that I would have to bring Edward on my next visit. I was worried that Estelle's current life and Esme's past were sharing a similar situation. However, until there was proof there was little I could do.

I have never been very comfortable with birthing children, and unlike what one would think, it wasn't the endless amount of blood that accompanies it. It seems over time that the actual art of the midwife was being lost to modern science. The old remedies weren't always accurate, and most folk remedies are hokum, of all people I would know that. However there is an art to bringing children into the world and until that art makes itself available to science we are at a disadvantage. The survival rate of mothers and children is rising…but the quality of that care is suffering for it. Women were treated better when they were giving birth next to their hearth on straw mats and furs. I don't consider myself a very talented midwife no matter how hard I've tried to access that aspect of my compassion. Esme would be a wonderful midwife, but right now it isn't even an option. It will be a very long time before it is.

I drove back toward the house and the struggle to turn around and spend more time alone was great but I swallowed it. I had promised her that we would speak…that I would let her explain why my feelings were unwanted and unacceptable. As I parked the car I listened for my family and realized that they must be out hunting because Esme was definitely not working in the house and Edward would have approached me by now if he were here. I walked into the house and up the stairs to my study where I began to log the findings from my visit with Estelle. I went so far as to make sure I had written my suspicions because I would need evidence if it came to that.

It was around three in the afternoon when I heard Edward and Esme return. I listened intently to their conversation through my open window. I strained to hear everything that I could of what they said to each other. I wanted to gauge Esme's feelings toward me after the absurd behavior from earlier in the day. They seemed to be discussing more mundane topics than my embarrassment.

"I've been considering college in a few years. I want to wait until I feel comfortable with the thirst…but I've been wondering if I wouldn't have to wait if I could drink from humans." Edward confessed.

"Oh…Edward. I don't think that would be a very good idea." She had a very motherly tone in her voice. "I would worry about you and I'm sure that Carlisle would be beside himself as well. Just imagine the level of control you would have to maintain. Not to mention the moral issues. How do you delineate between your classmates and lunch? There will come a time when the lines will blur if you drink from humans. I know Carlisle just sets these limits for the sake of our humanity. I know how much control I lose when I feed. It's like there is a monster living inside of me…sharing space inside my body." Esme paused for a second in her speech and I waited for her to speak again.

I wanted to hear her voice saying anything but the things she was about to say to me. "There is a part of me that misses the freedom to walk down the streets in the sunshine and shop. Right now…from what you've said…and how I've felt. I understand that isn't possible."

"The other part of you," Edward asked, "what does it think?"

"The other part of me is just glad to be here with you and Carlisle. It's like I've been given the chance to live differently. Oh…Edward. He's probably never going to speak to me again. I feel just awful." Her words gave me pause. Why on Earth did she feel badly?

"I don't understand why you didn't just say yes. You're obviously ridiculous for each other." Edward addressed her with skepticism.

"I can't! You don't understand. He's wonderful, caring, romantic, and perfect. He took me by surprise this morning. After telling him I left my husband I was expecting him to look at me with scorn. I was a horrible wife." Her quiet voice broke slightly as if she were crying again.

"Esme, Carlisle would never judge you. He doesn't even judge me and he doesn't have the interest in me that he has for you. I'm sure he thinks you've been sent by heaven." Edward consoled her and I felt a wave of gratitude for my son who was honestly trying to help me to gain her feelings.

"I want to love him Edward. No one has ever talked to me the way he has. He respects me…my opinion didn't even matter to my parents. Every time I talk with him I feel as if my tongue was made of clay and I say all the wrong things, but even then he listens. I wish I could be with him the way he wants…but…I'm still married." Her voice was soft almost the barest of whispers, but I heard her words anyway and I put my hand over my mouth as I groaned and rolled my eyes. Of course! What in the world had I been thinking? I started to silently laugh so hard that my eyes would have been leaking tears if I were human. I'd never felt such relief in my life.

It was no wonder she told me I couldn't love her! She was already married to that wretch that had broken her…and she considered his ties to her legitimate? The moment he struck her he forfeited his rights to her body and soul, but as a person that respected God and the covenant of marriage I felt respect for her beliefs even if they were unfounded. 'He only was aloud you until death Esme, and even then you should have never stayed. You are most certainly dead now, and I want so much to have you for myself.' I wanted to show her what love could be

Edward laughed with a stern edge to his voice. "You don't owe Charles your afterlife. You aren't alive anymore Esme…none of those ties can bind you. Unless…do you still love Charles?" His voice was incredulous and hushed although I'm sure he knew I was listening and this was a topic that I was straining to hear the answer to now that I knew her concerns were respect for a covenant she made in her last life. My Esme was an angel. I got up from my chair and made my way to the window that looked out over the drive.

"Still? Edward…I thought you would know being a mind reader. I NEVER loved Charles! I accepted him for my father's sake, and I lived each day with him until my pregnancy in fear…but I still made a promise. I already ran away from my responsibility, and I figured that my suicide would only confirm my soul's destination in hell anyway. He can't love me Edward…he's never made the mistakes I've made. What if I were to disappoint him? What if he finally realized that I'm not good enough for him?" Esme's voice shook with emotion. "He's been a vampire for almost three centuries and he's still a better human being than I was. I'm not…"

Edward interrupted, "you ARE good enough for him Esme. He's lived alone and waited for you! Isn't that proof enough? He offered himself to you AFTER he knew your supposed transgressions." I walked to the window and leaned against the sill and sash of the portal. Figuratively, I felt like I was on the outside looking in even though it was literally the opposite.

My son continued speaking with conviction. "You have done nothing wrong! I'm glad we aren't close enough to Ohio right now for me to retaliate. I would tear that man to pieces for what he did to you, but I would be more concerned for what Carlisle would do. I don't think I've ever seen him so out of sorts as he gets when he talks about what that man did. He isn't your husband anymore Esme, and he hasn't been since he raised a hand to you."

She looked at him with a pained and yet hopeful look. "Do you think Carlisle will still want me after such a quick rejection this morning? I don't know if I can ever feel comfortable in anyone's arms."

"I think he would be honored and delighted to, at the very least, have your company." Edward continued, "I think he would be willing to take your relationship very slowly. He of all people knows that we have forever to figure things out."

I had come on very strong this morning. She kissed me, and reality drowned all around me. I should have given both of us time to digest what had just happened. I had just gotten so excited to feel the same passion that I shared for her on my lips and pressed against me that I had reacted.

"Is he home? Does he even want to see me?" Esme asked with breathless worry.

Edward pointed up to me in the window and I let my fingers wave silently hoping that she wouldn't think me rude. I slid the window open as far as it would go and jumped from the second story.

"Can we go back to the field…I would like to talk…and I want to be alone with you." Esme stated plainly. As if I needed an invitation. "Please don't keep distance between us." As if I could have.

I looked forward to the opportunity to having her alone with me and now that I knew what was standing in my way I could do something about it.


	8. Divine Trepidations

Making a Home

Making a Home

Divine Trepidations

By Ranma15177

Next chapter…whenever. Don't own Twilight.

I'm really sorry that I haven't been all that attentive about my writing lately. Grandpa' is doing the whole renal failure thing…and I've been in the hospital and at the gym more than I'm in front of the computer. The working out clears my head, the hospital fills my brain, and the fact is…I've been avoiding my writing because I don't want to think. Isn't that awful? I think it is. Either way…here's my return. I hope it isn't substandard. I still love all of you!

We were back in the meadow for the second time that day with the flowers blowing gently in the wind and the afternoon sun now blazing down on our shoulders. Esme picked a cornflower and began pruning off its leaves. The breeze blew through our hair and I was mesmerized by her beauty and want filled every part of my undead heart. I kept my hands to myself through years of discipline. "Please continue," I spoke, "the forest is yours…"

The woman before me smiled sweetly with my concession, and I wondered if there would ever be a more perfect creature for me. "I'm not going to lie to you Carlisle. At this point it seems silly to hold back. I wish I could be something to you. I told you that I dreamed about being yours for so long. I can't believe that now that I have the opportunity to love you, I'm even contemplating holding back." Esme spoke quietly, but with a sincerity in her tone that would have broken my heart if I hadn't already decided to court her regardless of her beliefs. "You must think I'm an awful woman. I've thrown myself at you twice now…a married woman with no morals."

I took her hands and spoke in earnest. "Your morals are without reproach. Please understand me Esme, when I tell you that Charles has no right to you. He never did…and he never will again. The instant you threw yourself from that cliff you were alone in the world again. As far as I'm concerned he never earned the right to call you his. He didn't honor or cherish you. Not ever. His vows were just words…even if yours were true." I spoke with conviction. She would have to see the sense of that.

"I failed him Carlisle…" Esme began.

I hissed. "Nonsense."

Esme spoke again, "It was my fault…"

Again I growled. "Absurd."

"Are you going to let me speak?" The woman before me asked with an aggravated smile. "Someone told me that I had the whole forest."

"Yes. I will let you speak forever…as long as what you say doesn't involve lying to yourself." I said with a fond smile. "If I had been given the opportunity to love you like he did…"

My love spoke to me in a quiet voice. "What if we were to go slowly at first? I know that I was the one who kissed you…and that I was inadvertently leading you on. I didn't mean to. I just got so wrapped up in my story that I needed some kind of comfort and you have been so accepting. So completely perfect in spite of me, and what I have done to you."

I looked up at her and smiled. "I had rather hoped it would have been more than that."

"I was hoping the same thing Carlisle, does my miserable promise to Charles mean nothing? Is this a sin?" Esme's eyes looked down and then back up into mine as she pointed between us. "Am I trapped endlessly in the vows that I gave out of convenience?"

I gathered Esme up in my arms and held her as close as I dared. She clutched at me as a drowning man would a life raft. "No Esme…I don't believe that would be true. If it would make you feel better though I can look into it, I'll research this as best as I can. I'll give us the chance we deserve without endangering your soul."

The beauty before me laughed, "I'm more concerned for your soul than my own, but I think I'll allow it." Her voice whispered the last of the words. "Do you think we could head back to the house? I do need to get started on the crown molding in the sitting room. Edward is covering his piano so that I won't hurt it, and I don't want to leave him without his favorite distraction for too long. Did you buy that for him?" She asked me with curiosity in her eyes.

"No," I responded with quick and quiet words as we began to walk home. I was exultant in the idea of Esme's acceptance of our courtship. I would go as slowly as she wished. Goodness knows I had waited this long to find my soul mate, a few months or years were nothing to me. I responded fully to her query while I enjoyed the idea of our relationship. "The piano is Edward's…it was from his home. I believe his mother bought it for him. I've seen him sit alone with it and stare into nothing for hours. I imagine he's still trying to reach out to her…make some kind of connection."

"Do you think…that he would let me take care of him? Something about him makes me want to watch over your son like I would take care of my own. He's so broken sometimes. I would like to attempt to bring him some kind of joy." Esme's words made me remember what Edward had said earlier…that God had sent Esme to take care of him. Perhaps she was sent for me too.

"I think he would pretend to hate it all while he smiled behind your back." I answered truthfully. "I would like to think that he wouldn't wear you down though."

"Not at all. I'll grow on him eventually if he's not trying too hard to hate me." Esme concluded.

"Now, why would Edward feel anything but respect for you Esme?" I asked curious.

"I know it's been tense a few times, and that you haven't known me long, but Charles always said I was hard to deal with." The woman walking next to me confessed.

"Charles…" I ventured slowly. _'Was an imbecile,'_ I thought. I continued aloud, "Was wrong. I've never met someone that was such a breath of fresh air. How about you do me a small favor Esme…" I lifted her hand to my lips and brushed the knuckles across them. She looked at me with a demure expression that would have made my heart race had it been active.

"Please don't dwell on Charles." I felt selfish saying it, but I stopped in my forward progression and took her other hand. "It might be wrong for me to ask you not to think on him…but I want so badly to be the one to distract you. It sounds silly, but I wish I could make you forget all of that. The worst parts of the various things you went through…I wish I could help you to wash away your pain."

Her eyes shone with impossible tears that could never fall, and I continued. "If I could have foreseen the future all of those years ago, I would have saved you from him. I would have taken you with me then and kept you for myself, but no one can truly know the future as far as I know. I have a prediction for you that I will try to hold in my hands though. These should be the last of those dark times, despite what we are. I want to bring you even a measure of the light your presence has bestowed upon me." I felt unsure saying these things. What if they were too bold? What if she wasn't certain about her desire to be with me?

"That's probably the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me…" Esme's voice trailed off and her eyes froze into mine. We stared into each other's eyes for what felt like a century played out in an instant. I tried to discern in her ruby depths if we had the same intentions. I would never be happy if she didn't want all of me. I knew that now.

After everything that I had done I had come to the realization that I needed her to be mine, and that I wanted nothing more than to be everything I could to her. A friend, certainly, she was so fun and intelligent not to mention caring. A companion in every capacity that Edward himself filled yet with a woman's touch. Finally I hoped that she could be a lover…something that I had lacked without complaint for a very long time. I had never wanted for company like that until I met Esme.

My casual relationships had been nothing more than dalliances to obtain a physical reaction. I had been with other women…I was a man after all…and I was not immune to desire. I had always been looking for someone that could be my equal, in everything, my partner. Esme was a solution to a problem that I hadn't even acknowledged that I'd had.

"May I kiss you Esme?" I asked selfishly. Her smile was a mixture of longing, excitement, and guilt. I would remove that last emotion if it was the last thing I ever did.

She gave me a hesitant smile and her reply made me feel like the young man that I resembled. "I wish that you would." I caught her up in a fierce embrace but I kissed her in as chaste a way as I could manage. _'Slowly…_' I reminded myself.

In time I would give her the world. I was eager to take her out again amongst humanity and show her everything that she had missed in the arms of that brute. A small part of me even admitted that I wanted others to see her with me. I had never been a vain person, vanity was a sin. However, if I was going to hell, like Edward believed, I might as well be thorough in it.

I heard a laugh descend on us from an open window, and Edward's head poked between his curtains and a light jazz tune filled the air from his records. "Someday I'll have to use that line. It's perfect for creatures like us."

"Edward, you aren't a creature." Esme admonished my son, "Carlisle?"

"I was just thinking something that was very in line with what Edward believes." I admitted to her.

"Well…don't…It feeds his dark humor." She smiled at me and we laughed, and despite himself Edward laughed as well.

"I didn't know that my darkness was on the agenda for renovations too." Edward gave Esme a wide smile and opened the window wider as if to jump from the second floor, but then stopped himself and looked at me with concern. "Carlisle…the bank manager is on his way to the house. He can't be more than a minute off."

"Esme…get into the house quickly. Edward, please find somewhere suitable for her to wait while I attend to…whatever this visit might be about." I continued frustrated. Did no one know how to glean a proper invitation these days?

Esme ran inside at a very healthy speed and Edward disappeared from the window to come meet her. I briefly wondered where and how they would occupy themselves. I didn't have long to wait though until Curtis, the bank manager who had held the deed to the house, was pulling up in his car. It was a Ford much like mine…but it was a bit more pretentious. I was never one to attract any more attention than was necessary, but this man obviously thought himself important and had the options to reflect it.

He swung himself free of the car and shambled slowly away from it with a smile on his face. "Carlisle!" the bank man addressed me familiarly.

I returned the favor without any of the annoyance I felt. There was no reason for me to be uncivilized. I wanted to be a proper reflection of my family. "Curtis! How can I help you?"

The man walked forward and clasped my hand in a friendly manner. People generally shied away from our kind, but I had been a constant part of the human world for so long that I generally fit in now with the exception of a few more observative people. Curtis was not in the realm of the free thinkers, so I had very little to worry about.

Curtis clapped a hand onto my shoulder and smiled broadly as he spoke. "A man after my own heart. Straight to the point! No distractions."

"Not really Curtis, I just very rarely gain any company, and I'm curious," I answered honestly.

"I thought that might be the case, considering what people assume of this place." The bank manager returned. "If they could see it now though they wouldn't believe what they've been spouting all along. It sure doesn't look haunted from out here. Any bumps in the night yet?" He seemed intrigued by the idea that we had moved into the haunted house in Paradise and not yet run screaming.

"I assure you the house is without any kind of disturbances…beyond that of a seventeen year old man, and those are few and far between." I assured him.

"Yeah, I got one of them too. Believe me, I thought the twos were bad. They were nothing!" We both laughed. I wondered briefly what it would be like to raise someone from the time they were an infant. To nurture a small life to grow and live to the time when they could stand on their own? I could never give anything like that to Esme…but maybe in a way we could still provide guidance.

"Now…you were saying?" I prompted the man before me.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm easily distracted I guess. I was just going to invite all of you to a function at the bank for all of the shareholders. We're going to have a party…music…dancing…and I know that all of the young ladies have been excited to meet young Edward. He's in town just enough to arouse their interest, and not enough to make them happy." Curtis laughed at his own joke and I smiled considerately. "I've already told everyone that you're off the market, so you don't have to worry about that."

This comment actually made me smile genuinely. I was…off the market…so to speak. It was a crass way of saying it, but I was in a committed relationship with someone else. At least, I was committed, and over time I hoped that Esme would agree. I heard a small commotion in the house and I decided to cut short the visit.

"I'm not sure if we can be counted on or not at this point. Esme's condition is unstable, and I would not like to make her feel obligated." I answered Curtis honestly.

"Well…" He started to look very uneasy and stared at the house as the commotion grew louder. "Don't feel bad about it, but if you can come please do. I want all of you to feel welcome in Paradise, and so far you've been a bit of a shut in." His smile was genuine, despite his confusion with the commotion, and I was quick to nod my approval.

"I'll be sure to bring it up with Edward and Esme. When will it be?" I asked out of politeness.

The bank man was quick to respond. "The fifteenth, and It'll be at the park in the center of town…so it'll be really hard to miss. I'll see you later then…I don't want to overstay my welcome."

I gave my own excuses, "I would invite you inside, but unlike the outside, it's a real mess." I heard a large crash that definitely registered to the ears of the human in front of me.

"Is everything okay in there?" Curtis asked starting to walk toward the house.

"I assure you that everything is normal. Construction is such a loud endeavor." I put my hand on his shoulder and guided him back toward his vehicle while watching carefully for any indication that I would have to drag anyone back into the house after a horrifying display of strength. I heard a growl come from somewhere in the kitchen and I continued helping him quickly to his vehicle.

"I didn't know you guys had large dogs on the property. You should warn people." Curtis supplied helpfully and nervously. This was probably a good opportunity to get rid of him…if he was afraid of dogs I would have to convince him that we had the biggest ones I could think of.

"Bull mastiffs I have a preoccupation with breeding them, but they can be a bit of a handful until they are properly trained." I explained while Curtis pulled himself into his vehicle.

"Well Carlisle, I'll see you soon. Please come celebrate with us…those must be some big dogs." The human was becoming increasingly agitated, especially when there was a loud growl and a crash that followed a curse that obviously came from Edward. While I watched with apprehension Curtis was driving away at an extremely fast clip from our home. I ran back inside to asses the damage and to see what had happened.


	9. Destructive Tendencies

**AN: I live! Alrighty…so I took time out of the unpacking process to write. I couldn't take it anymore! I had to get back to the keyboard. I missed it more than I can find words for. I have no internet at home, so work is now the end all be all of internet use. Oh, well, what can you do?**

**Many happy returns to my awesome beta Cullenista, who just won an award for her fic "Blue Moon Over Manka's" go and check it out! I'm extremely pleased that she has done so well. I'm tickled that she won. Go read it so that you can experience the awesomeness of her relationship story!**

_**A couple of my stories have been nominated for awards at the Twilight Awards website. Click on my Pen Name above to get to my Profile/bio page that has a link to see all the nominees and vote.  
**_

**_N_ow, on with my story, and you've all been very patient with me so I'm very pleased to bring you this chapter.**

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**_Making A Home _ by Ranma15177**

**Chapter 9:**_** Destructive Tendencies**_

**Carlisle POV:**

My eyes fell on the parlor with a pained jolt. Edward was holding down a fiercely struggling Esme. Her eyes were wild with hunger. It pained me to see her so completely unrestrained and against her very character looking absolutely bloodthirsty.

The only thing more painful was the look of horror on Edward's face. His beloved piano was completely destroyed. He divided his attention between the thrashing woman under him and the last remaining piece of his family that he allowed himself. I put my hand on his shoulder and he flinched and got up.

Esme was off the floor in seconds, but I was expecting it, so when she began to run for the door I stopped her. My arms fell like a cage around her struggling form and I held her as close as I could to myself as I began to speak. "Know your heart Esme. Don't give in to the part of you that wants to take that man's life. It isn't a part of your nature."

I heard a small whine come from the back of her throat, and then Esme was folding in on herself and rocking slowly back and forth. I heard a heart breaking shuddering sob come from deep in her chest. I didn't know who to comfort first. I watched Edward's eyes become blank and the shock was apparent on his face. He looked like he was in incredible pain.

"I'm fine," he said seconds later. "Completely fine, there's nothing to worry about, it's a thing. I'm glad everyone is all right. I'm glad no one got hurt. I'm fine." Edward was rambling, and I could hear the hysteria in his tone. He was not, indeed, fine.

Esme seemed to slowly come back to herself and we all stared in varying degrees of shock and pain at the mess that was left of the piano. Esme tried to take Edward's hand but he moved away and ran his hands through his hair. "Please Edward… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… oh I'll never be able to make this up to you! Forgive me? Oh, what have I done? Your mother's piano…"

Edward shook his head violently against her further dissection of the situation. He stood for a moment and then turned and walked up the stairs and Esme began to follow but I shook my head. "Let him have the chance to grieve. He will forgive you; believe me, it isn't in his personality to hold an accident against you. He remembers this part of his life. He remembers losing control. Just give him time, and let me speak to him first. I believe that might help things. "

I felt like I was assuring myself more than Esme, I had just as much assurance as she that my son would ever speak to me again. The woman before me was obviously deeply disturbed by what had happened. The air around us suddenly felt stale and stifling. It was as if a feeling of discomfort had settled on the old building like a malaise.

My angel's eyes looked haunted and extremely sad. Her words when they came at last were whispered and had a tinge of horror. "Is that how I will always feel around people? No wonder you've moved us out to the middle of nowhere! You explained it… but I never understood. I didn't know how completely helpless I would be. Carlisle, I don't think I can do this. I'm going to hurt someone, and I can't even stand the idea of taking the life of an animal the way that I do. How can I possibly live like this? What if I killed someone?" Her ruby eyes looked stricken and her next words were like an arrow of blame and self doubt for both of us. "I'm a monster!"

Her voice was becoming more frantic by the second and I could hear the panic drowning her, the angel who called herself a demon. It was not fair to her that she should feel this way, but fair and unfair weren't things that I could effect. I wished with all of my undead heart that I could make her smile again, but I understood that she was hurting and Edward was hurting and despite my many medical degrees and years of living I knew that only time and patience would be helpful here. "You, of all people, are not a monster Esme!" I returned with confidence.

"Really, because I couldn't help but notice that you and Edward didn't go haring off after that man's blood! It was just me," Esme snapped back with self-damning disdain.

I countered her comment with one of my own, "I've told you about this before Esme. You are at a delicate stage in your learning, and yes there will be moments where you will find yourself ill at ease, and because you are so young there are times when you will lose control. It's part of you now. You are going to have to come to grips with that part of yourself before you can even be amongst humans again, but that strength will be gained in time. I believe in you, love. Find the strength to believe in yourself."

"You make it seem so easy… so effortless… but I could hear his heart beat and it made my whole body sing. It was wonderful and horrible all at the same time. How do you do what you do? How can you be so immune?" My love's eyes pled with me to make it easier, or better, but I could no more make her less of a vampire than I could make myself human. "You're a doctor for pity's sake. Rooms filled with blood! You don't even seem to notice, but if you put me in that room… set me free to destroy their quiet lives." Her voice broke over tearless pain.

"I'm not immune! Believe me there are individuals who have blood that calls to me as well, but I made a decision long ago to preserve the man inside of the monster that lives with me. I am not my hunger! I am not the endless thirst that we feel! I am Carlisle Cullen, a man, a doctor, and yes… I am a vampire, but that isn't going to be my defining quality." I opened up completely to the woman in front of me and let her see my pain.

I was by nature a very private individual, and this was not an easy moment. When one makes themselves a caregiver, it becomes easy to keep yourself at arms length from everyone; as a doctor I made a living off of being compassionate and yet somehow aloof.

I had always kept a wall around myself. Lately, it felt like this wall was crumbling in places. Here and there it was patched and held up in sections by Edward and yet in others I was being held together by Esme. Perhaps this is what a family really was, letting the walls fall in and them becoming your strength? It fascinated me to see ruby eyes filled with love and compassion for me.

"I want to be as much of a man as I can be. I want to be as close to human as I can. For the sake of my heart… for the sake of my soul, I want to be a man." I whispered the last with the emotions that I had left unattended for too long.

Her hand caught mine and Esme looked sad; for a second I wondered if she was upset with me. "You have always been so compassionate; to me… to everyone else. Who is there for you Carlisle?" I could still see the pain from her earlier mishap but she was now trying to comfort me.

"I don't want you to focus on my burden Esme… I need you to focus on your own, so that you can be happy." I answered with regret.

"I'm the kind of person that does better when they are focused on others. Maybe I can help you to help me." Her voice trembled as she put her head on my shoulder.

"You aren't a monster Esme… and neither am I. We are defined by our actions and our intent. You didn't want to destroy Edward's piano… you didn't mean to lose control of the beast within. You know that, and so does he. Give him time to get over the shock and talk to him. You'll see, love, that his care for you as a member of his family is deeper than you think." I placed my arms around Esme's small body and ran my fingers through her hair.

My lovely Esme pulled just far enough away to look into my eyes. "Thank you. I'm going to give Edward his time… but I still feel like I should do something! Carlisle… I destroyed his connection to his mother. What can I do to make up for that?"

I contemplated that for a time before I realized that I didn't know what to do, that I wasn't sure how to progress. "Let's let him tell us what we can do for him. I'm not confident in what we should do. I don't want to overstep my boundaries. Edward…" I didn't raise my voice, and his descended to my ears with little effort. Normally I would have called out to him in my mind, but I wanted Esme to see that we should communicate, and a one sided conversation wasn't going to help that.

"Yes." Edward's voice was clipped and pained. I could detect that he may have been crying although I couldn't be sure because if he had we hadn't heard it.

I responded back, "I'm going to leave the piano here in the parlor. We're going out, and I'll give you the time you need. I won't touch it until you tell me to."

"Thank you Carlisle." Edward spoke even more quietly.

"Let's go talk about this Esme, we'll come back when you retrieve us Edward, and not until." I grabbed her hand but gave Edward a final thought. _"Unless you need me here, I'm certain that Esme can be left to her own devices if you needed me."_

"I think I'll be better off alone for a little." The air stirred and Edward was amongst us, he looked frankly awful. "Esme… I understand. I'm not telling you I'm not angry, and I'm not telling you that it doesn't hurt. I just want you to know that Carlisle is right, that I'm not going to hold this against you… I just need time."

"Thank you Edward…" Esme continued to clutch against me, and didn't make a move to touch my son. He seemed to appreciate that.

I hesitated at the door as we moved away. "We won't be far, if you change your mind and decide that you should need me, I'm right here." I looked over my shoulder at him.

Another broken angel, he crouched over the destroyed bits and pieces of his piano and seemed to fairly shake with emotion. Every second it was like the air became more stale and heavy. I caught the nod of his head as he gently touched the broken keys and strings and I knew that my time was up in the room, that Edward needed to be alone and that we were very much in the way now.

I pulled Esme through the door and into the yard. The world was strangely quiet around us, but the pall left my useless lungs and part of me shuddered to leave Edward alone with such a feeling of death so heavy around him. "What have I done to him?" The sorrow in her voice was so thick that I winced. "He'll never be able to accept me now." I took her hand and we ran back toward the field of wildflowers.

"I think he'll surprise you. Everything happens for a reason Esme. Perhaps Edward was holding too tightly to the past, maybe this will relieve his pain. I'm not God, and I cannot know what He has planned, but I know that He doesn't give us more burden than we can handle." I spoke quietly as we ran and as we reached the field in the sunlight I slowed to a very slow walk.

We both entered the meadow sparkling and I heard an audible sigh. "I want to be good enough for you. How do I even begin? How will this relationship ever be balanced? You're so much more…everything! I feel inadequate to your experience and your strength." Esme knelt amongst the flowers and my breath caught. She looked exquisite sitting there with the sunlight all around her. The breeze picked up her hair in places and I imagined myself in its place, gently running my hands through her honey colored tresses. Truly she was an angel.

"You don't have to be anything for me. I've never wanted anything simply for the sake of myself, but I want you. We have had different experiences, and I may be older than you, but time is not a factor for me… I have waited for your love for this long. I will wait until you feel that we are equal, I will wait until the end of time if necessary. You are without any doubt the other half of my soul and I cannot live without you."

I caressed her cheek and knelt in front of her blocking out the sun that sparkled on her skin. "Today was a learning experience. We are going to move beyond this, now you know why we've been hiding you away from the world. We were especially concerned for you because of your sweet personality. We both knew that you would be devastated by any slip ups that might occur. I admit that even I was terrified this afternoon. I tried to get rid of him quickly, but I didn't want to seem discourteous. We have so much to hide so that we may live as people do."

Esme hesitated for only a second before speaking but when she did it was like a balm to my spirit. I noticed that her concerns were more often for the sake of others and not just for herself and this moment was no different. "I want to live just as you do, and I want to stay with you too. I don't know what I've done to deserve this second chance at life with you. I want to earn the respect I feel like you give far too freely. Over these last few months you've been patient and caring. I feel like I've taken so much more than I've given, and now I've hurt Edward so completely. I took his mother from him Carlisle."

I took her face between my hands and looked deeply into her eyes the breeze keeping a few tendrils in thrall before I swept them behind her perfect ears. "Yes, you took the phantom of his mother and gave him something real. You take care of him better than a piano can. You've done nothing but care for his well being since you came to us. You are more valuable to our small family than you could ever know. Edward is smiling again Esme. True smiles, and for no other reason than you bring him joy. You bring US joy Esme." I gave her a chaste kiss and her face broke into a small smile.

"Maybe someday that will be enough… but for now… I feel that I should do something for him. I feel that I should fix this, and I know that there is nothing I can say or do." My love's eyes were downcast and although my angel was sad, being in her company was a million times better to me than anything I could imagine. A cloud passed over the sun as if the weather knew that my angel was upset.

"Just do what you've been doing. Be what you can for him. Be there to console him if he needs it, be there to take care of him when he needs someone's warmth. Esme, you are such a comfort, just be who you are and it will be enough for him." I assured her. "You are more than everything I ever dreamed that you were. I wanted you for so long. Is it so hard for you to understand that your brilliance is right there already?" I questioned as I set my forehead against hers.

"Charles…" The angel's voice wavered and I backed away my mood suddenly stormy.

"Charles was an unmitigated ass." I felt my eyes narrow and I looked away from her.

"He was… but he was also right. Look at what my awfulness has left us! See the damage I'm capable of? He just knew me better! He knew me for what I really was!" Esme argued with a furor born most probably of her frustration. "Now I'm just capable of the destructive tendencies that he always accused me of!"

"No! He didn't know you at all. I've only known you for four short months, one of which when you were sixteen, and I've known you better. What would he know? He was only interested in you as a vessel. A body he could abuse, and a target he could hit without fear of repercussion. Too sweet to do anything to stop him from hurting you, the things I would do to him would never make up for the things he did to you. He gave and took with no thoughts for your safety or future. I believe that he sinned against your body and spirit every time he took you physically. Even if he had rights to you as a husband he also had obligations and he failed every single one of them." I was talking quickly and angrily.

I felt Esme shaking from emotions that I couldn't place yet and I moved my hands to her shoulders. The wind began to pick up and I smelled the sweet scent of ozone… rain. "You are not to blame, and you never were. He was a horrible wretch, and I don't ever use my words lightly. I will do anything to win you from him… name it. I will do anything." I shook slightly as I realized what that included. I would… with very little compunction take her revenge. I would do anything for her. "Anything," and my voice was as dark as my implication.

"Oh…Carlisle. Please don't say things like that. You don't need to sink to his level to gain my love. I'm sorry I made him seem like such an obstacle to you. There is nothing that you need to do to win me… I'm already…" My love hesitated. "I want this to be something pure. Please don't hurt yourself or your integrity for my sake. I don't want that. I am in love with all of you. I just don't want to be your albatross."

"You truly love me?" The words felt like a million birds released in my heart.

"I always have. I never stopped. From the moment I met you at sixteen I was forever chasing your shadow. Didn't you listen to me at all? I was the one who sinned against Charles. I lied before God. I made promises to a man that I had no intentions of loving…and I kept you with me in my heart every day. I love you Carlisle…with everything that I am."

I pulled Esme into a tight hug and smiled as widely as my mouth allowed. I had never felt more complete. We could court, I could follow her through eternity, but this knowledge was like a flame inside of me. It took the place of my absent heart and beat its own rhythm in my chest. My love continued to speak, "Don't you see? That's why I have to protect you from me! If I love you…"

"I already told you Esme… I'm not concerned for my soul where you're concerned. Loving you would never be a sin. I'm certain of it. I'm willing to wait for you to see it that way too. I would spend an eternity waiting for you. Believe me I already have." I traced the curve of her cheek against her lovely heart shaped face.

The wind kept blowing and was picking up in strength. It would rain soon. I wondered how beautiful Esme would look with the rain falling on her perfect body. I forced myself to focus on the situation at hand so that her mood would lift and I might get to enjoy the vision in front of me. "What happened today was horrible, but it doesn't make you a monster. It makes you capable of mistakes. You are wrestling with more than yourself because there is an aspect to you that calls to do things that you wouldn't normally, an instinct that goes beyond logic or reason. The essence of life calls to us, but we are bound by the people we are to try to master that side of ourselves if we are ever to be happy."

There was a small distant crack of thunder and a voice called from behind us, "I disagree. I think that we are a part of our nature. We are capable of luring humans because they are naturally our food source. Why bother making us beautiful and quick and strong if we aren't intended to feed upon the most dangerous of predators?" Edward walked into the clearing.

"Because it would destroy your very soul Edward," I argued back.

"Without my soul then! I have no soul to speak of, it was lost in the flames of my change. God will have none of me. You'll see whenever it is that you die. We are monsters. Esme is right. The three of us are abominations against God's world, and others die so that we may live. It is that simple. Perhaps I've been given my gift of hearing voices to be able to do some good inside the time I am cursed. I can hear the horrible designs of thought," Edward argued and the wind seemed to howl in agreement.

"Thought is not a crime Edward. There are things that people think that they would never put into practice. What then? Are you going to kill a person for having a dark thought?" I disputed and Esme sat back watching us. The thunder rolled again and a lance of lightning split the sky.

"Dark thoughts become dark actions. Who would know that better than you or Esme?" My son challenged. Esme gasped and threw her hands over her mouth and ran.

"Edward!" I very seldom raised my voice, or ever chastened Edward. The clouds finally burst. My son blinked a few times and looked at the ground before looking up again. "Why?" I demanded.

"I'm sorry… I was… angry. Forgive me." He was beyond contrite and I knew that he had been lashing out for the sake of his feelings.

"It's alright." I walked forward and watched as Edward seemed to crumple. The sky that had opened up was allowing him the tears that he could not otherwise shed. He was on the ground curled against himself and the pain that I knew must be overwhelming. "Edward?"

Once again I found myself kneeling over someone, but this time I placed my arms around the young man that I had taken as my son. He was crying tearlessly, and speaking with a voice that was full of pain. "I just wanted to be able to keep some part of her with me! I felt so human sitting there. My mother would never let me call myself a monster. She begged for this from you! I feel like I'm destroying her memory just by questioning what she wanted for me. Was this what she intended? Was this what she meant for me? If so she didn't mean for me to suffer I'm sure of that! I could sit there at the piano and be myself and touch something that was part of my humanity. Now what do I have?"

I was surprised when Esme was in front of both of us and spoke. Rain fell all around us and dripped from her hair and her perfect nose as the wind blew and the thunder crashed. "You have us. We are here with you. We are your family… and I won't let you call yourself a monster either. You aren't a monster Edward." Esme lifted Edward's face and kissed his forehead and I watched the raindrop from her nose slide down my son's cheek. "I love you too much for you to hurt yourself like that. You aren't a monster… just like I'm not a monster." Esme looked into my eyes and I blinked the water out of them. "I have a lot to learn about myself now that I'm different. I'm sorry that your piano was a casualty of that."

"I know you didn't intend for it to be broken. If you had truly intended to kill that man I wouldn't have been able to stop you. There must have been a small part of you that was fighting back, and that is an amazing feat. I'm sorry I said…" Edward paused just long enough for Esme to interject.

"No, not at all. You're kind of right, because I seem to have a few less than appropriate thoughts and feelings that I have to deal with. Please give me time to sort through all of them, and maybe we'll all be better off." Esme smiled at me with those words and Edward laughed.

"Just don't tell me all the details." He gave a lame smile and I gave one back. I knew that if we ever did sort through things… Edward would know just as easily as anyone else. In point of fact he would know it just as soon as we did. Selfishly… I didn't mind. The storm blew on around us but we weren't bothered, and I couldn't help but think that it was true for many aspects of our lives.

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	10. Word About Town

It had been another three months since that night in the rain

Making a Home

Chapter 10:

Word About Town

By Ranma15177

AN: As usual, I'm in the hole on updating. I apologize. I've been incredibly busy. I hope to be updating more often soon. Maybe if they force me into jury duty like they seem to want to… not my favorite prospect.

As always I want to say a huge thank you to Cullenista the writer of the story "Blue Moon Over Manka's," which is an excellent relationship story, for doing the beta for this story. It's always nice to have a sounding board and she's definitely one of the BEST! She let me keep my strange Britisism in this chapter. : )

Alrighty… On with the show!

Chapter 10

CPOV

It had been another three months since that night in the rain. Esme was slowly getting more integrated to her new life, and body. She hardly ever broke things due to her strength, and although she still needed to feed often, the bloodlust was more manageable for her. I didn't ever ask her personally about this, but it is what Edward insisted to be true, and my son would know people's minds better than anyone else.

We had cleared off the destroyed remains of Edward's piano from the parlor, the strings, ivory, and pedals sold off and against my better judgment Edward had burned the remains. A 'bonfire of the vanities' he had called it, and I knew that he just simply couldn't stand the thought of the wood rotting away…

Either way, we were in the midst of purchasing a new piano, and there was some holdup at the auction house that was making Edward downright impatient. 'You would be too if your one constant diversion was absent.' He'd said one day, and I realized immediately that he was right. What would my life be like without my research?

Speaking of preoccupations… the house was now in remarkable shape. We had left behind frightening and rundown a long time ago, and we were now at a stage that Esme called "Comfortable Construction Revival." I wasn't sure at what point we'd reached this plateau, whether it was when the new staircase went in, or when she'd resealed the windows so that the inside wasn't sharing the outside, but it was now well worth the work involved. I was amazed at her progress, and with every book she read she'd become a bit more of an expert.

It wasn't often that I didn't find Esme tending her beautiful garden, or working on the house in some fashion. She was currently not bustling about though, and it made me wonder at how focused she was on the projects around her. She was just as crazy about the renovations on the house as I was about being a physician.

"I would argue more-so." Edward looked up from his sheet music and continued to scribble out notes against the shadows from the fire of the oil lamps placed strategically for the benefit of others. We didn't really need light… but if someone were to come by, it would be strange for us to be awash in darkness.

"Yes… I sometime break to do other things," I smiled with his comment. He knew full well that Esme and I were often to be seen wandering those gardens together. I would often use the time at night to tell her stories of my past, and she would take my arm and listen. She would interject with comments and sometimes laughter. On a rare occasion she would "cry" and at those moments I often found myself comforting her and feeling that even at the saddest times I felt happy and complete in spite of myself. The last few weeks I had been away more often, and been devoting more time to research than I would particularly like… but Esme swore to me that she understood.

"Sometimes, although I agree that you are both incredibly focused, especially you of late. I would say that it probably makes it easier to avoid things." Edward spoke with a very muted tone and continued to compose his music.

"I'm not particularly avoiding anything at current. If you would like to do a few of my case files I wouldn't argue," I prompted. "More time for fun would not meet with any objections. I wonder how others in the field do it sometimes. It really is a twenty-four seven kind of job."

"Throw the cases on my desk. I'm not busy, as long as the diagnosis isn't complicated… I've been through most of your medical journals now Father… I would probably make for a respectable physician, if not for the fact that people are filled with blood." Edward said this last bit with a small touch of frustration.

'Is that something you'd be interested in?' I asked silently. I was quietly pleased with the notion of Edward following in my footsteps like a son would… it was somehow satisfying.

"Medical school probably wouldn't be a bad avenue. I think the challenge would be within my means," Edward continued aloud. "I'm not sure that my control is anywhere near to your own. I often feel an almost unholy pull toward certain individuals, and I don't know that I could resist if I had them bleeding profusely in front of me."

"Don't feel badly Edward… I honed my craft over centuries. It's not a lack of skill or trying. It's sensitivity. You aren't very old yet, maybe in ten or twenty years?" I consoled. "Honestly, I always thought that you would be interested in law…"

"Are we expecting company?" Edward asked before I could continue my thought, and he must have known what I was going to say. His reluctance was enough to make me stop the line of conversation.

"It's probably Curtis. If I'd known going to that blasted function of his would have made him believe that it was an invitation to pop by whenever, I'd have told him to pull the other one." I rolled my eyes and felt a small wave of annoyance.

I sighed and allowed myself a small smile, "Still, it is nice that he thinks of us. I suppose it's a sign we left a good impression that every time he sees me I'm in for an evening. It always ends in me coughing up something unpleasant, but he's trying, and I can't fault the intent. The fact that he hasn't been by the house without any notice since that first time was keeping me happy… I wonder what would cause him to change that now?"

"I don't know, it's definitely him. He's humming kind of nervously to himself right now… so that's not particularly helpful to you. Oh, and he's rather afraid of the dogs." Edward sighed. "Honestly, I'm surprised he's speaking with us. Did you know that he was deeply offended when I didn't dance with his daughter?"

I felt my brow arch at his remark.

Edward continued before I could comment, "Before you say anything, I didn't do it out of spite to cause the reaction. I just didn't appreciate the way she was thinking about me. Not to mention that she had honestly spread a rumor that Esme didn't come because she thinks she's too good for all of them. I was offended, especially since we'd made her excuses."

"I suppose I can't fault you for feeling protective." I smiled back. "Now… speaking of our dulcet angel… where is Esme?"

"Esme," here Edward paused with a smile knowing that he was only calling her attention directly to us. "Esme, is upstairs darning an afghan… if you'd believe that… for the local pumpkin festival. She says that as your wife she has to give people a good opinion of us. She thinks the way to go is to help raise funds for the local schoolhouse. If I do ever get back to my education, I fear that we're going to be up to our eyeballs in quilts and sweaters." Edward answered back. "We have about two minutes before our company arrives."

"I heard that Edward!" Esme called back, "Both things! I'm proud to play whatever small part I can in this life we live! What kind of sister and wife would I be if I didn't provide some small service to the community?

The object of my affection came literally gliding down the polished stairs and into my embrace. Esme looked into my eyes before continuing, "Especially the wife of a country doctor? I'm supposedly bed ridden… so that leaves me plenty of time to knit, sew, and craft. I've been planting a…" Esme took a large swallow and looked a bit panicked for a second.

"Esme?" I could hear the concern in my own voice.

"How about we go down to the stream and find some proper stones for the garden?" Edward took Esme's hand and smiled indulgently. "He's going to be here any second Esme… and you're losing your composure, I know that you've been meaning to do this regardless." They left quickly in a flash of wind and I was left alone in the house.

"I'll come get you when he's gone," I intoned after them just as a loud knock sounded on the door.

"Dr. Cullen!" The knock came more forcefully than before. "Dr. Cullen!" This was obviously more than a visit for the sake of visiting… he was always in the habit of calling me Carlisle.

I opened the door to the house and the bank man walked through my door, taking off his hat and worrying it in his hands. "Curtis." I welcomed him with a nod and he did likewise.

"There's been some kind of disturbance in town, and I wanted to let you know before it came to you." The older man seemed to be extremely confused and bothered about something.

"Please Cutis, I'm sure I don't know what's going on… but I would be more than happy to clear up any confusion that might be lingering…" I tried to be calming, but I wasn't sure how effective it was considering the fact that I was becoming worried. "With the way that you were banging away, you'd swear the villagers were coming with pitchforks and torches… they aren't… are they?" I asked in a manner that I hoped would be received as a joke.

"Oh, of course not Carlisle, I would never let something like that happen!" He smiled warily back. "It has to be some kind of ridiculous misunderstanding."

"These sorts of things usually are…" I hedged. Although, without Edward's mind reading abilities I was at a bit of a disadvantage since I still had no idea exactly what was going on. "Curtis, please, I'm at a loss…"

"Sorry Carlisle, I feel like I'm going on like one of those ladies who gossip around town. Unfortunately I think your lovely wife might be the height of their list for months with this little disturbance. There is a man here from out of town who was asking after you. He seemed a little unbalanced, so everyone was giving him a wide berth, but at the Tavern at the Inn he really started to ask questions. Where did you live? Did you have anyone living with you? Who they were? Was one of them named "Esme?" The bank manager looked at me and waited for me to react.

"Did you satisfy his curiosity?" I asked feeling as if the world was shifting under me.

"I was called up by the tavern keeper, I never even met the guy personally. She didn't want to tell the guy anything, but that Cissy Lewis… she's got a mouth on the back of her head. She told him just about everything." Curtis seemed disappointed with this "Miss Lewis," and to be honest I was a little angry with her as well. "I hate to be giving you second hand information, but with Cissy running her mouth I figured I should come see you first."

"Thank you Curtis, I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. Do you know what he did say?" I asked with a bit of trepidation. "Did this man have a name?"

"He said his name was Charles Evanson… that his wife's name was Esme Evanson. This guy said that he's been searching for his spouse who ran away over a year ago. He implied that you must have run away together when Esme told her mother and father where she was and that he was here because he'd followed you." Curtis raised his eyebrow at me. "I want to believe that you're free of any wrongdoing here Carlisle, but the way Esme is shut in… the way that no one has ever met her. You can only imagine that people are jumping to conclusions…"

I didn't know what to tell him. Certainly I couldn't just compromise Esme's safety or her good name. I also knew that it was a matter of time before Charles was at our door. I had almost allowed myself to fantasize about having the opportunity to have an altercation with the cad that once called himself Esme's husband, but I had believed that such a thing would never occur.

We had always been so careful about moving, and Edward had not been believed to have been missed in such a widespread epidemic we hadn't really even had to worry about finding a replacement for his "corpse." Unfortunately I had not gone about establishing a death for Esme, because of the way that she'd "died."

I'd recorded it in a haphazard sort of way with the state of Ohio. Unfortunately everyone in town seemed to know Esme, so it was easier for her to just "disappear" instead of going to the trouble of giving her a funeral and the opportunity for someone to open an autopsy with the real possibility once again of someone figuring it out.

Looking back and remembering the story she had told, I had been careless. Now… we had to find a way to fix all of this while also not killing Charles, because that was a real solution. One I was not sure if I was willing to entertain, even if he was the lowest, basest kind of monster.

Esme would never want this… My love would not want me or Edward to lower ourselves to this kind of revenge. She'd already turned such a thing down although I had offered it in honesty. Now I had to deal with Curtis.

"Thank you Curtis. The claim is baseless. The gentleman was one of my patients, and he was unstable. He grew an unusual attachment to my wife, and we left my previous practice to avoid further contact. You can understand why we would be discreet about such a thing." I offered and Curtis shook his head, agreeing immediately.

"That's exactly what I thought might be happening. I knew there had to be some rational explanation." His voice sounded relieved.

"Thank you Curtis. I shudder to think what might have happened if we had been unaware of his presence. He could have hurt Esme or her brother…" I shook his hand and he looked around warily.

"I'm impressed Carlisle. This place used to be a real pit." Curtis intoned and I couldn't help but agree.

"Yes. My Esme is a marvel. She has really done wonders to this old place." I backed up his earlier statement with one of my own and a smile.

"Where are the dogs?" He asked with a wary expression.

"Edward is out right now… the dogs are with him." I smiled in a way I hoped would be comforting. "They should be back again soon."

"Well, that would be my cue to leave! Thank you for the hospitality Carlisle." The bank manager placed his hat back on his head. "I'll see you around, and I'll let everyone know it was a false alarm. That would have been the biggest scandal of the season if it had been true. I'm glad it was something more honest."

"Have a good day Curtis, I'll keep my eye out for Charles. If he's insistent on being this way we'll have to involve the police," I said with a real look of concern marring my features.

"See that you do!" The bank man walked back to his Ford and sped away as I stared after him. This was a nightmare, and I had no idea what to do next. There would be no easy way to deal with this situation, and I feared now for Esme's mental health. There would be no painless solution this time.


	11. Terrible Truths

Making a Home

Chapter 11:

Terrible Truths

By Ranma15177

AN: I'm really glad that I've had the opportunity to sit on this, because although it was always my intention to go this direction, I feel like I've had the TIME (*hehe* maybe too much?) to sort out my real intent and give the story the attention it deserves.

On with the horror…

Chapter 11:

I walked to find Esme and Edward. Truly, I trudged like there were thousand pound weights in my shoes as I tried to think. My mind, unlike my feet, was a colorful and quickly spinning top. Our delicate subterfuge was breaking down. I had never had a whole person to hide before Edward… hiding myself was an easily sorted thing. I was by no means an expert at this yet... nor did I particularly want to be, all things considered.

Even more distressing, was that this was completely my fault. Esme was special to me, and I had wanted so desperately for her to feel that she wasn't losing herself, that I had done our small family irreparable injury. I had not even made it halfway to the stream when I sat on a fallen tree to muse what I would or could do.

Why had I even gone through the motions of establishing someone in the family that couldn't even be introduced? I had wanted her to feel normal. It was plain and simple, but now I could see the folly that my heartfelt decision had wrought. I couldn't even comprehend why I had put all of us in danger in such a real and functional way. Edward was going to have kittens when he found out what had just happened.

"Why would I be giving birth to baby cats today?" Edward questioned with a look on his face that suggested he found my thought humorous. "He doesn't want me to take out his socially challenged daughter does he?" They must have gotten impatient for the news and met me halfway; I guess that when Edward had "heard" me in his mind they had rushed forward to meet me. I got up slowly feeling every bit of my three hundred years.

Esme giggled at Edward's comment, and the two of them looked back at me with smiling faces that I knew would be gone in a few seconds.

"Edward…" I struggled to find the words in a way that wouldn't alarm Esme. My mind was a blank.

My son's face fell and he commented at last. "Good Lord, Carlisle. Whatever is the matter? You're looking a little ill, which for us actually means something."

"Language Edward," Esme ribbed with an uncomfortable smile. "Please Carlisle… whatever it is you can tell us."

I couldn't bring the thought beyond my lips… but I didn't have to. Charles Evanson… here! Charles Evanson, looking for his wife, whom was reportedly deceased. I couldn't even bear the thought of what the words would do to shatter Esme's new lovely confidence in me.

In the last few months she had blossomed and grown so much. She hardly ever cried anymore, and her smiles far outweighed her frowns by my own count. Her awkwardness with both of us would surely return now that we had proven to be such poor protectors. Would she even speak to me?

"You have got to be kidding me. Carlisle… tell me you're not serious!" Edward exclaimed with a look of confusion and panic. "We were careful. I was certain that we wouldn't have anyone suspect… there was a death certificate for God's sake," his words trailed off as my love's expression went from one of careful laughter to one of deep concern.

"Has someone suspected us of some wrongdoings?" Esme asked with a look of innocent concern. "I'm certain we can explain just about anything… unless someone witnessed us…"

"No one has caught us hunting Esme. I wish it were such a simple thing. I wish it were something that we could just sweep under the rug and move from. I suppose we could still do that. We could run, Edward." I looked at my son who shook his head in a positive fashion although he didn't speak and seemed to be pondering something his face becoming darker by the second.

I continued, "We can, and we will. We probably should go quickly if that is the case. We need to disappear as swiftly as possible. Find new names, new identities that no one can trace back to us. I'm sure we can find our way up to the Denali's now, like I suggested before. It's a perfect way to drop off the map completely."

"One thing is certain, we can't return here for a long while. If we go now it will confirm every suspicion that they have and then some," Edward concluded, his voice marred by what I could only discern as anger.

"Yes, Paradise will be lost to us as any kind of refuge for a very long time." I agreed with my son's observation. It was a terrible truth, and as I said it I couldn't help but wonder if there weren't parallels in the name and our lives.

I could live with anything as long as we were all together. Paradise lost? Maybe it would be lost to me completely.

Edward seemed to explode with agitation and he let out with a booming snarl, "Why should we have to uproot ourselves for that swine? Just kill him and be done with it Carlisle!"

Edward's passionate words were disconcerting and angering to me. It was not only because the suggestion was wrong and ill advised, but because there was a still small voice inside me that had suggested the same. I could imagine getting Esme's revenge easily. I would never drink the blood of an innocent… but could I bring myself to murder?

I was ashamed with that part of myself. That was the most selfish thing that I could imagine myself doing… and the truth of it was that I couldn't even really imagine it at all. I could not be a killer. It was against every code I had ever established for myself.

"Can't you see that this would be the wrong thing Edward?" I pleaded with my son to allow him to see my reasons even if they were giving me the fortitude to resist my own black desires. "If he were to disappear it would be a million times more damning! We would have to respond to questions we could not possibly answer! Moreover, I have not spent my existence saving lives to make allowances here or there in my morals for this and that. It is not… it cannot be, the kind of man that I am."

"What if it is the kind of man that I am?" Edward let the question hang in the air and my nonexistent heart shuddered and fell. Perhaps this would be the thing that would take his innocence from him, and it would not be for the sake of himself. How very much my son was like me in form and function, to want to do good by others. Yet, how very "Edward" as the man I've come to know, to take it upon himself to protect us as if we were his true family.

He could not do this thing, not in place of me… not even for the sake of Esme. I would not have my son be a murderer. There would never be a justification for the taking of an innocent life…

"He is NOT innocent, Carlisle. He is a monster!" Edward fairly shouted back as an interruption to my thoughts. "Don't deny it; I've heard you think it yourself. You are not above the observation!

"I agree with you on that Edward. He is a monster, but all life is precious and I would not have his blood on my hands… or yours. It is not just. It is not doing God's will." I whispered back. It was an interesting contrast; the volume of our passions seemed to ally themselves very aptly.

My angel had finally had enough and broke into the space between Edward and I. She laid her right hand on my chest above where my heart would be and her left onto Edward's shoulder as if she were afraid that he was going to go haring off to murder someone.

Holding onto him to keep him there just a while longer like the worried mother hen she always was. If she only knew how close she was to being right. I've seen conviction in Edward's eyes before. I was certain, as of right now, that Charles had no future if he was to find him.

Edward snarled at my thought and Esme was calm but wary and she came to the conclusion that he was angry with her. However, her hand did not move. I could only just see the tension in her shoulders that suggested her response. Obviously she would not see her new "son" hurt. It was in her very posture. Now, if only my first companion would make allowances for her feelings.

"Carlisle, Edward, I demand you explain yourselves! You can't just have this violent conversation in front of me and expect me to keep completely silent. What in the world has both of you so worked up? Killing who? Why?" Esme demanded.

"Esme, we need to be getting back to the house. We'll pack and go before anyone can question us or follow us. Let's go." I took her hand in earnest and tried to be as calming as possible.

"Wait, you can't just run me around and not explain. I will follow you anywhere Carlisle, truly, to the ends of the Earth. This is… oh…" her hand slid down Edward's lapel and hung by her side limply. I saw an answer click into place for her and I waited for her to be angry or scared. Esme stood stock still and did nothing for a very long moment but clutch my hand.

"Yes Esme, that's right." Edward answered a question she had formulated in her head, and I wished that I too could pluck her thoughts out of the ether, because waiting to hear her was agonizing.

"Someone that knows me as I used to be," her pause was brief but I could see that her mind was supplying Edward with hundreds of thoughts. "Someone from my past… that should believe that I'm dead?" Esme asked with a quiet and fearful voice.

"Yes." I answered before Edward, the word hanging like a dead weight in the air.

Esme's other free hand came up to grasp my hands tighter and if I had been human it would have shattered every bone. "Charles?"

"Yes." I left the repeated word hang again without further elaboration. Edward winced and looked at me with more anger than when he was shouting at me. I realized only then that my monosyllabic conversational skills were upsetting my love even more than if I'd written a novel.

"He's here to take me back?" Esme asked with a confused sort of panic. "Why? How would he have even known to come here?"

"He shouldn't by all accounts have known. We made up a death certificate. I filed all the right papers. He followed us… probably because the dates were so close. Edward and I moving out on the same week must have seemed suspicious to him. Maybe he was here to avenge you? Perhaps he thought us murderers?"

Edward stopped still for a moment and seemed to digest that thought. I was about to suggest our departure again when Edward interrupted, "We are murderers Carlisle. Born murderers, and I am of the opinion that now would not be a bad time for us to exercise our nature."

"No Edward!" Esme shouted. "I won't have you making such a horrible mistake, especially not for me. Maybe we could just tell him to leave us alone. Maybe he won't even recognize me like this. I have changed a bit… maybe not enough to fool him into thinking I'm a different person…" Esme was thinking out loud her voice becoming wobbly, her countenance drifting off into thought again.

"Esme. This isn't your fault," Edward insisted. After a small pause he continued, "that's ridiculous. We want you here. We want you to stay. It's too late anyway, for us to make up anything at this point would be counterintuitive. Everyone in town knows your name even if they don't know what you look like. It would hurt us both if you were to go. Carlisle even more than you know, if you were to disappear, he would be beyond himself."

My long dead heart shuddered at the very thought of her leaving me. What would I do then? Could I continue in my old life now that I had known this strange sort of paradise? "Please Esme… please don't leave me again." I could hear the desolation in my own voice and she must have heard it too, because she buried her head into the space between my shoulder and my neck.

"No… I could never. I'm sorry I even entertained the thought. What if I were to talk to Charles? Edward could hold me down and you could keep him across the room from me. We could say that an accident has made me sensitive to light and we could keep the drapes closed to make it harder for him to distinguish my features…" Esme rambled.

"Esme, I'm not certain you are ready for such a close encounter with a human being. As with Edward I was going to slowly immerse you in public settings. Like a park very close to a denser forest. Somewhere you could escape to if things became too difficult. This is tempting fate," I answered her thoughts with my own.

"Who cares if she eats him?" Edward questioned.

"That is not helping, Edward!" I cast angrily over Esme's shoulder. I took my hands from Esme and ran them through my hair, casting around my head for some obvious solution that I was missing in this entire situation that would be the remedy for everything.

Edward's face turned to a mask of roiling emotion. "There is someone at the house Carlisle. Someone who is looking for you, but I don't think it's Charles the thoughts are so confused, disjointed. No… it's Sinclair."

"Estelle?" I queried. "She really should be on bed-rest now. It's very close to her due date, and I'm certain she's not ready to deliver."

"No… It's Thomas, Estelle's son." Edward looked puzzled and then his eyes grew wide with horror.

"What is it?" Esme immediately seemed to want to protect the son of the pregnant woman. "Is he hurt? Has something happened to the child? Is it the mother? What of the baby?"

Edward closed his eyes as if trying to block out the world, or trying to focus I could only guess at his intent. He looked up at me with the most broken and disgusted look, "It's horrible Carlisle! He has witnessed a murder! Remember when you said that Estelle was getting into accidents? She had mysterious balance problems? They weren't such a mystery after all. I should have come with you… I could have stopped this. I would have seen the darkness in him immediately. Mathew Sinclair pushed her down the stairs after beating her savagely with some kind of blunt instrument."

Immediately I shifted into my physician's mentality. I could find a way to save people today instead of planning some horrible execution. "How long ago has this happened? Is there any way…"

Edward interrupted, "his mind is clear enough in this, Estelle wasn't breathing and there was so much blood… there's no way she's still alive Carlisle, and there is very little hope at this point that the infant is still with us. Thomas stole the car… but he's only ten. He was lucky that he got as far as he did. He got lost… abandoned the car at the road and ran the rest of the way here on foot. I'm not sure if he's been harmed. His sister is still at home Carlisle. He couldn't find her… she might not be…"

I was stunned into silence. What could make a man decide to do such grizzly things to his own flesh, let alone his wife? I looked to Esme and tried not to imagine her in Estelle's place, but every time I closed my eyes in reflexive blinking I saw her lying twisted at the bottom of nameless stairs, the strain of an unborn child heavy in her stomach and surrounded by a halo of blood. This is the kind of man Charles was. This was almost my Esme's fate. Saved only by her own sense of self preservation in an instinct to save not herself, but the precious life growing in her womb.

"That is what you are trying to save!" Edward exclaimed, with an obvious shudder of anger. "Protecting either one of these… creatures is beyond logic."

I didn't want to debate this right now. It would be pointless and there was a scared child somewhere on our property. I wasn't sure what condition he was in, and if Esme were to accidentally hurt him I would never forgive myself, and something told me neither would she.

I recognized his anger and in my mind I begrudgingly agreed with him, but killing would always be wrong, "Regardless of that, Edward, we have to do what we can right now. Let us get back to the house immediately. I can still be of some service to Thomas. He has seen… terrible things."

Even if Edward disagreed with my theories, he agreed with this point and he immediately ran back toward the house. I looked at Esme with a profound sense of what she might be thinking, feeling, at this moment. "Stay here Esme. I will come for you as soon as we have sorted these terrible truths. We will decide what to do about Charles later."

I began to run in earnest after Esme gave me a pained look and a nod of understanding. I ran for only a few seconds when I heard two shots from some kind of firearm and then an even more horrible sound, a booming and unquestionable shriek of rage from my son.


End file.
